Buckingham Palace

Last night I dreamt I was in Buckingham Palace and needed the loo.  So I went to every loo in the place – there were ones with dark wood panelled walls, art deco ones, and even one was so low to the ground that I would have had to hover in order to pee!  I finally decided that I needed a pee but knew I was dreaming.  I even pinched myself and smacked myself in the face.  I knew I was dreaming.  So I woke up, crawled over Helios (as I always do because our bedroom is so small) and walked out the bedroom door to Buckingham Palace.  I went straight across the corridor and found a toilet that reminded me of a janitor’s closet.  I started to sit down to pee but thought “I’m still dreaming!”  So I woke up, crawled over Helios (as I always do) and walked to the loo in our flat and pinched myself before I sat down.  It hurt that time so I knew I was awake.

Yesterday I was having some cramping period pain.  I took some painkillers, which was OK.  I found the fact that I was in pain worrying.  Today I’ve had no pain but a little spotting.  I’m still going back and forth with whether I should give myself a period sooner or later.  One minute I think “I need to have one so my bloating will go down,” and “My body is demanding a period.”  The next minute I think “I was told to expect a little spotting between my periods if I run pill packs together” and “I don’t want to be in pain this weekend.  I don’t want to be in pain next weekend.  When can I organise my period around my life?”  I think I’ve decided to carry on with the pills until next week and see how I get along.

In the meantime, aside from the odd dream, I’m sleeping well.  I’m just very tired by the end of the working day.  Hopefully it will pass once my body realises that I’m in charge and not it.  (!)

Foxy

Seven Weeks

It’s been nearly seven weeks since my last period.  The delay between periods gives me some minor discomforts.  For instance, I’m going back and forth with the size of my stomach.  Some days I look 4 months pregnant and some days I’m just a bit wobbley.  Carrying around a bit of extra weight isn’t a difficult thing – but it was disconcerting to see my actual size in the holiday photographs!  When I look at myself in the mirror I didn’t think my stomach was THAT noticeable but I was clearly wrong!  The other thing about the bloating is that I’ve had the odd occasion where I feel my womb.  It’s not painful, I just happen to know precisely where it is at a given moment – usually when I’m walking downhill.  It’s not uncomfortable but it is odd that I can feel it.  I’m not concerned because I am close to needing to give myself a period so am putting oddness down to my bloating, etc.

My PMT is currently being held in check with Milk Thistle.  OK, I know Mom doesn’t like me taking it but, as a doctor recommended I try it in the first place, I take it once or twice a day when I start to feel the usual shortening of my fuse.  So far it’s been a tremendous help at work – especially since my first week back from a holiday feels particularly long!  Also, the good thing about prolonging my cycle is that I only need painkillers if and when I get a headache!  For those of you who don’t have endometriosis, you have no idea how much money I can easily spend on painkillers and other potions to try and keep my pain in check.  What a relief to only worry about my agonising pain once every 9 weeks (or more)!

The nurse who did my colposcopy mentioned that I don’t have to have a period for six months if I really didn’t want to.  As good as that sounds, I’m also wondering just how bad my bloating will be after six months!?  I’m also wondering if I’ll have PMT symptoms for the next few months?  I’m contemplating going longer between periods this cycle than my prescribed 9 weeks.  So far I’ve not managed to get through a whole 9 weeks without giving myself a period.  I get a bit down with feeling fat and cranky.  I’m still hoping that the longer I go without a period, the easier the next “longer” cycle will be.  I think this cycle is the first time when I’ve been at week seven and thought “Let’s go for a full six months!” but I’ll probably change my mind in the next couple of weeks.  Up until now on the longer cycle, I’ve decided to have a period just shy of the nine weeks because I feel drained.  No.  Drained is a good word but it’s not quite accurate.  I feel as though I’ve not slept in a million years even with a good night’s sleep.  I’m normally a very warm individual but I could stand in the snow and not feel the cold.  It’s not a depression but it’s a definite low.  Sorry, I’m obviously not expressing myself very well.  I’m not feeling the need just yet but know when it happens it will be as strong as ever.

Work is going OK at the moment.  Normally I don’t have so much work to do that I’m stressed out.  This week is busy but not fraught.  The complaint of the week this week is that all of us appear to have forgotten just how long a 5-day week feels.  No doubt next week will be easier – once I’m back into the swing of it.  In a lot of ways it’s a shame that we have to go back to the daily grind, isn’t it?  Wouldn’t it be nice to win the lottery and I could look after my family the way I want: Helios and I could pay off the mortgage, give my mom and my sister some money, give Helios’s parents some money, set up trust funds for Apollo and Maia, get some building work done on our flats, send Helios to University on a film course and start a business so he can get paid for his opinions about cinema.  I’d probably find a part-time job somewhere (perhaps a charity) just to keep a bit of normality in my life and the rest of the time I’ll research endometriosis and blog about what I find.  If only we could win…

This weekend will be spent in the garden with the neighbours and a BBQ.  I hope the weather holds out!

Foxy

Embarrassing Bodies – Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

Recently PCOS has featured a couple of times on the TV show: “Embarrassing Bodies” here in the UK.  As if having Endometriosis wasn’t bad enough, I’ve got PCOS as well.  I therefore had no problem identifying the PCOS sufferers on the programme.

As with endometriosis, PCOS can take a few years to diagnose.  In my case, I can almost understand the confusion when diagnosing: I don’t have the principal symptom of menstrual disturbance because I’ve been taking the birth control pill for so many years.  However, when I was a young teen, my symptoms included: acne (At one point I was on a course of tetracycline for my acne), a slight excess of hair growth (Hey Mom!  Remember how sensitive I was about developing a moustache when I was still in high school?!), skin tags and dandruff.  As far as I was concerned, my skin and hair couldn’t possibly be related to my ovaries!

Infertility is also a symptom and I was found to have the characteristic multiple small cysts in the ovaries during an ultrasound scan.  The three symptoms that define PCOS are: polycystic ovaries, raised male hormone levels and reduced ovulation.

Other symptoms for less lucky women include more severe male patterned hair growth and male patterned baldness.  For me, the excess dark facial hair and dark back hair were the obvious symptoms that identified the patients on Embarrassing Bodies.  I felt sorry for them and I feel I have to ask: how desperate must you be to go on national television in order to get treatment?  I don’t know why these people cannot seem to get treatment they need from their own doctors but I find it scandalous that someone would feel the need to parade themselves on national TV.  Could it be that people want to raise awareness for their maladies?  Or are they irretrievably stupid?

As with endometriosis, women with PCOS have a higher risk for other illnesses.  For PCOS these include high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, depression, cancer of the endometrium (uterine lining) and endometrial cancer (uterus).

While I’m not overweight, obesity is associated with PCOS.  I also have insulin resistance (which I regularly call prediabetes for ease of understanding).  Women with PCOS are at risk of developing type 2 diabetes – particularly if we have a family history of diabetes.

Like endometriosis, there is no cure for PCOS and treatment is normally directed to manifestations of PCOS: I am on a PCOS diet and may be prescribed with Metformin (Glucophage) should my insulin resistance symptoms worsen.  For women with particularly low oestrogen levels, they are given HRT patches.  Unfortunately for me, it was the HRT patches that worsened my endometriosis symptoms and ultimately made me beg for my third laparoscopy to clear the growing endo.  Balance of hormones is, for me, the trick that I’ve had to work to achieve.

Finally, like Endo, PCOS is frightfully common.  Research studies of women who had an ultrasound scan of their ovaries found that up to 1 in 4 women have polycystic ovaries.  Many of these women were otherwise healthy, ovulated normally and did not have high levels of mal hormones.  It is thought that up to 1 in 10 women have polycystic ovary syndrome (i.e. at least two of polycystic ovaries, raised male hormone levels and reduced ovulation) but it is thought that these figures may be higher.

Wishing us all a healthier tomorrow!

Foxy

Why I don’t talk about Endometriosis

Quote from World Endometriosis Research Foundation Website:

“Why do we never hear of endometriosis?

Even in the most “liberal” of countries, female health issues, in particular those associated with menstruation, painful intercourse and infertility, are topics that are not readily discussed in society. They are still taboo in the 21st century.

Yet, all of these are associated with endometriosis, and women who are affected have to deal with these challenges on a daily basis. Unfortunately many mistakenly believe that “pain is part of being a woman” – even though pain is the body’s way of saying: something is not right.

This lack of awareness leads to an average diagnostic delay of up to eleven years in some health care settings.

Endometriosis may be progressive, and recent research has indicated that a delayed diagnosis can be associated with more severe disease.”

Bearing in mind I have endo, why don’t I talk about endometriosis?  Part of the reason I don’t is because I don’t want to seem weak at work.  I’ve managed to control my symptoms enough that I’ve not needed a day off work due to endo in over 2 years.  Due to the fact that I started a new job in Jan 2010, I didn’t want to start work by saying “Oh, and I’ll probably need time off every cycle due to pain.”  If you had the choice of hiring someone with or without medical problems – you’d probably hire the one without, right?  It’s only natural.  I therefore spent the first year at my current work not mentioning my symptoms or chronic illnesses to anyone.  I would say it was a lonely year but the people are so helpful and supportive that I found myself desperate to mention it. Bearing in mind I’ve not had an awful lot of time off, my boss has been supportive!  They’re more concerned about my well-being and health than how many days I am in the office.  (Of course I’ve not had many days off at all last year – just 5 days and 4 of those were due to flu.)  It’s a refreshing change to every other place I’ve worked!  I mention work in particular because we work for so much of our adult lives that it’s the first place I considered when I thinking about this question.  All the friends I have in this country I met at work.

My close friends know I have endo but even they don’t know all the different endo issues I have: this includes the occasional rectal bleeding, burns from the hot water bottle, how much blood I lose and how my condition is currently progressing (regressing?).  During my most recent cycle I lost two days to pain – luckily over the weekend so no work time lost, but it won’t take long before the pain becomes an issue for work – for me, endo only gets worse.  I’ve had three surgeries and the third was by far the best job.  Unfortunately, I’ll need another surgery to clean out the endo again – probably within the next 12 – 18 months.  Knowing me, I’ll try to avoid another surgery for as long as I dare – partly because I don’t like hospitals, and partly because I don’t like to give in and ask for help.  I don’t like to think that anything is stronger than me.  Just ask Mom how stubborn I can be!

In an effort to be more open, and as part of Endo Awareness Month I (as myself) mentioned the endometriosis on my Facebook page.  Apollo happened to notice and I felt very embarrassed.  I didn’t want to discuss it with him.  While I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, I want to appear strong to him and so didn’t go into much detail.  Bless him, he simply replied.  “OK.  I’m aware.”  Which was more than I could have expected him to do.

My next appointment with the Gynaecologist is on Wednesday.  My list of things to discuss include: burning pain in my right ovary, endometriosis symptoms worsening (between 8-9 on the Mankoski pain scale for the two days of this cycle), rectal bleeding and I’ve made a note that my most recent period started on 19^th March.  I will say I’m growing steadily more nervous about the appointment.  I’m not so worried about the biopsy – I know it will be painful but a biopsy isn’t as bad as my life could get, in the grand scheme of things.  No.  I’m worried about what they’ll find under all the other things that other doctors have left in there.  My only consolation so far is that they seem to have me coming in regularly enough so if they do find something remotely scary, they can easily deal with it quickly.  Fingers crossed!

Foxy

Endometriosis March: Femininity

Femininity: Having the qualities of a woman; appropriate to the female sex.  Including, in a good sense, modest, graceful, affectionate, confiding; or, in a bad sense, weak, nerveless, timid, and pleasure-loving.

I can’t help but wonder that some of the negative adjectives associated with femininity may be strongly associated with gynaecological problems.  For instance, historically speaking (when medicine wasn’t as advanced as it is now) women would take to their beds for a week.  Were our mothers and grandmothers suffering with Endo?  Unable to adequately explain the pain they suffered as a proper diagnosis would be years, decades, or even centuries away, it’s little wonder they were considered weak, delicate, nerveless, timid, pleasure-loving, effeminate and feminine!

But how has Endo affected MY feelings of femininity? I have to point to the things that identify me as a woman: breasts, periods, curves, etc. I will remind you that I was an early developer: I had the beginnings of my breasts at 10 and I began menstruating at the tender age of 12. My pain at that point was so severe that my periods were punctuated with vomiting from the agony. I used to dread my periods. It’s hard enough at that age to carry around womanly accoutrements without the distress that I associated with my periods. There were times when I wished I’d been born a boy. When my mother was pregnant with my baby sister, I felt envious that she was effectively skipping 9 periods. Even as a teenager I wondered how I could go about getting a hysterectomy. Of course, this didn’t happen, but I hope it illustrates the fact that I was in desperate pain – I felt trapped in a body that was fighting my conscious self.

Without a proper diagnosis, I was told my pain was “just cramps” – none of my school friends seemed to suffer like I did.  I thought I was unlucky but normal.  I became two people: the student and work colleague who is intelligent and competent; the other person is fearful, curled into the foetal position, clutching a hot water bottle and popping anti-inflammatories and painkillers.  In the past my pain has been so intense that I’ve given myself 3^rd degree burns on my back (complete with blisters) but it felt good at the time as the heat alleviated some of my endo pain.

The fact that I have regular chronic pain, to my mind, means that I’m strong.  I’m strong for learning how to cope, I’m strong for learning how to manage my pain, I endure pain and this makes me stronger every cycle I endure it.  Like the Rock of Gibraltar, I am battered by things that could easily destroy me, but I endure.

As much as I associate having breasts with being a woman, I also associate pain with being a woman.  Being a woman isn’t just about pain, I also feel attractive – my husband first called me Foxy and I took it as my assumed identity for this blog.  Truly being a woman is about pain as well as grace, affection, trust and strength.

Foxy

Endometriosis March: How I feel about Endo

My emotions about the illness has changed over the years.  When I was young I used to dread the arrival of my period.  I remember saying to my mother that I was jealous that she wasn’t having periods while she was pregnant.  It’s indicative of my pain and the dread I felt when contemplating my pain when I didn’t consider pregnancy a drastic act just to avoid 9 periods.

I felt vindicated when I finally had the diagnosis of endometriosis at the age of 35.  While in some ways it was a relief to finally know the name of my arch nemesis, it was also a disappointment to know that I had suffered for over 20 years without appropriate treatment.  No.  Disappointment isn’t the right word.  I was angry.  I am still angry.  I regularly call doctors “idiots in white coats” with venom in my voice.  How dare you think that that much pain is remotely normal?  How dare you take the easy option by giving me ineffective painkillers instead of referring me for the surgery that I was so desperate for!

Endo for me now is a familiar pain.  It is something I no longer dread but it is something that I still hate.  I hate the fact that I have to organise my bodily functions in order that I won’t suffer while at work.  I hate the fact that I have suffered pain for decades before I got a diagnosis.  I hate the fact that the only treatment I have found remotely effective is something that masks the symptoms.  Imagine having a toothache and being told you can only take aspirin for it, no root-canal, no cap, no filling, no tooth extraction – just aspirin.  It’s just not good enough!  I hate the fact that the time in my life that I wasn’t suffering symptoms, I had so much potential.  I felt I could achieve anything.  I don’t feel that way anymore.

Endo hasn’t just attacked my body.  Another casualty was my first marriage.  Being fair, the end of the first marriage had several causes but Endo was certainly one of the nails in the coffin.

My dreams of becoming a teacher were also – in part – crushed by Endo.  Despite the fact that I’m intelligent enough to achieve great things, I never had a career.  When I was in my early 20s I had a successful university career.  These days I’ve settled into my body and strictly manage my stress levels so that when I have “off” days at work, no one notices.  I don’t want too much responsibility because I fear what my body will do to snooker my chances at a proper career.  I’m content in this now, but in my 20s and early 30s this was a real problem for me.  I felt I wasn’t living up to my potential.  I felt guilty that I’d gone to university, while holding down a job, and doing volunteer work but couldn’t seem to do anything after that.  I put too much pressure on myself.

These are the things I’ve had to overcome thanks in part to Endo.  It’s hard to adequately express how Endo has affected my relationships and coloured my views.  Despite my chronic illnesses, I am happier now than I ever have been.  Endo cannot take that from me.

Foxy

No touch knickers

In anticipation of my biopsy on 30^th March, I’ve allocated myself a period starting this weekend.  It’s not exactly time yet but I have been bloated for a week or two and I’ve been hot generally.  Does anyone else feel so hot at night that they kick the covers off?  I think I’ll probably find having my period a relief.

In anticipation of starting this weekend, I’ve already put on my “no touch knickers”.  These are my large grey-pink granny-knickers that I only wear during this time of my cycle.  I find it a subtle way of telling Helios exactly what’s happening without having to shout “I’m going to have a period”.  Helios saw me sporting these enormous monstrosities and said “No touch knickers already!?!” this morning as if he cannot quite believe the passage of time, or perhaps it’s because he doesn’t like his “week off”?

Today was the first day I didn’t take my pill, so it nothing exciting has happened just yet.  I feel my usual woolly-head and slight disorientation but no pain.  Despite this, I’ve taken a couple of ibuprofen, just to get a grip on the pain before it takes hold of me.

Last night I had even stranger dreams than normal.  I was surrounded by people with green heads and they were being persecuted so I was nice to them and helped them start an uprising.  Bearing in mind I’d seen “The Mask” at the weekend, it’s not such a stretch of imagination – thank God!

Foxy

Endometriosis March: How I live with Endo

How I live with Endo has changed over the years.  When I was 12, the short answer was I didn’t.  I was told by an ignorant doctor that I had “cramps” and that pain was to be expected.  What doctor would consider a child vomiting from pain to be remotely normal??  When I was in my teens I suffered greatly.  I missed some school from pain and when I didn’t stay at home, I would miss key points in classes because I was so zoned out on painkillers.  I don’t really know how I got accepted to university but I must have been smarter than your average bear.

In my 20s I discovered birth control and this effectively masked my symptoms totally.  I had nearly a decade of feeling like a normal woman.  My periods were light and virtually pain-free.  I was relieved from my painful burden.  I did reasonably well at my university course – I even made the dean’s list one semester.  God, I miss those days!!

In my 30s I began to try for babies; what little success I had ended in miscarriage.  The pain was as bad as ever.  I remember once my ex-husband, Ramman, said to me that my pain was ruining any holiday time that we ever had (including when we went to Portugal, the West Country and Greece).  Of course he was insensitive: it’s not as if I was bleeding from the eyes.  He couldn’t see why I was in pain.  When I was finally diagnosed at the age of 35, my ex-husband still couldn’t understand why I was in so much agony.  He made the point that he wasn’t particularly interested in gynaecological matters.  His inability to attempt to sympathise is another reason why he’s now my ex-husband!

I wonder how many other relationships have been destroyed by Endo?

Currently I take birth control for 9 weeks and then allow myself a short period before my lengthened cycle starts again.  It sounds easy enough but PMT can last weeks and I tend to carry a bit of excess water.  However, when faced with the choice of my familiar pain or PMT, I’d rather a bit of PMT (which I treat effectively with Milk Thistle) and feel a bit podgy.  Lucky for me, Helios is sensitive to my plight, he’s never considered me lazy because I need to lay in bed with a hot water bottle; he doesn’t give me any extra stress.  In fact, he told me recently when I was bemoaning my weight/size that I shouldn’t lose any weight: he likes me just how I am.

Foxy

Endometriosis March

I still haven’t heard anything more from the grad student: the one doing the psychological study of endometriosis effect on women.  I hope she does get in touch.

Endometriosis March is the continuing effort to bring Endometriosis awareness to the general public.  For me, pain is the defining symptom of endometriosis.  Pain is something I’ve had a relationship with for decades.  I have been in so much pain that I have learned new ways to describe pain:  on a scale of 1 to 10 my pain today is 2.  When I get my period this can go from 2 to 8.  Eight for me means I curl up in the foetal position, I have a hot water bottle on the small of my back.  Sometimes the pain is worse: I have been known to have such pain that I have given myself 3^rd degree burns on the small of my back without noticing.

When I was 12 I had pain so bad that I would vomit.  It took about six months before my mom made the connection between my vomiting and my periods.  Why any doctor would say that a child who vomits from pain is “just cramps” is beyond my comprehension.  I’d have to say that pain was a 13 on the scale of 1 to 10 at that point, mainly because my body simply wasn’t accustomed to feeling that much pain yet.

With all the pain I endured in my life, you may think that I feel weak.  You would be mistaken.  I think the pain I have endured has made me stronger: it’s taken years but I now know how to manage my pain.  I manage my cycle so that it doesn’t interfere with my job.  I know how to communicate with doctors to get the treatment I need.  I have a positive outlook on life.  I’m a proud survivor.

Ultimately women with endometriosis are wives, sisters, daughters and friends. Some have even been lucky enough to be mums. Our suffering makes us sensitive to others in pain. Our endurance has made us stronger individuals than you’d expect. You are not alone.

Foxy

 

Foxy Returns

I stopped publishing for a bit and then I stopped writing for a little while.

There was an incident that made me stop writing.  On Monday 26^th July I was getting my usual lift home from work.  Normally I am dropped off just down the road and round the corner from my flat (It’s not quite a 5 minute walk from where I get collected/dropped off on the days that I carpool.) when 5 boys came around the corner and were walking towards me.  The one walking ahead of the rest rummaged around in his shorts until he found what he was looking for and then proceeded to try and show it to me.  Unfortunately it was so small that I didn’t get a glimpse of it until I was only a pace or two away from him but I did see a cock the size of a Tic-Tac.  Or rather, I only saw the head of his tiny Tic-Tac Cock.  I was so angry that, as they walked by I shouted “Not very impressive!”  The little rodents shouted out something to me that I couldn’t hear because I was so angry.  If he hadn’t had 4 friends behind him I would have been more tempted to beat the crap out of them but just the fact that he had so many reinforcements put me off.  What kind of insignificant low-life has to do something like that to make himself feel like a man?  And what kind of microscopic penis would really think that I would like seeing his tic-tac cock?

Up to the time of the incident I was already having a typical Monday.  I managed to lose my watch at lunchtime and found myself racing to all the places I’d been in order to try and find it.  I was upset at losing it partly because I knew that replacing it would cost me £40 or so that I hadn’t budgeted for but also because Helios had given it to me in the first place.  Needless to say I gave up and ordered the replacement (exactly the same as the one I’d lost) and coughed up the £40.

That night Helios gave me a cuddle and offered to meet me where I get dropped off.  He didn’t think that they’d be stupid enough to come back but we both knew that no one would try anything that stupid with him around – not because Helios looks like a serial killer but because bullies only go after people they think are weak.  But, as with most of my short walks home, no one else has been around.  Helios now thinks that it was a bunch of boys who, since school is officially out for the summer, decided to have a little fun at my expense and I’m inclined to agree with him because I’ve not seen them before and probably won’t again.

In the end I did ring the police but they couldn’t help.  The police were helpful and sympathetic. He reminded me that I live in a very safe area and that they are keen to catch who did this.  He did give me a phone number for victim of crime support but I’m not sure I’ll use it.  Yes, I am still angry but I’m determined that they will not effect my life in any way.  Having said that, I only feel safe in the office and at home in the flat with Helios.  I’ve stopped going on my morning gym walk.  I bought some wasp spray (because the public in this country cannot legally buy pepper spray) but I’ve not had the courage to go on the walks with or without the spray.  As I say, I may ring the number, I might not.  As the days go by, I feel more confident but then I get to the spot where it happened and I’m grateful that Helios has come to meet me as I’m dropped off by my carpooling friend.

In the meantime I’ve had a horrible time sleeping generally.  I keep going over what I could have said to them instead – “Don’t I know your mother?  She’ll be so proud when I ring her tonight!” or “My husband killed for the SAS – no one will ever find your body!” but ultimately I force myself to remember that there were five boys in total and I ought to count myself lucky that it wasn’t an incident that turned violent.

The first Monday after the incident was very stressful.  I barely slept from anxiety and came out in a rash over my face, back and on my left arm and my right leg.  Helios has continued collecting me from the drop off point since the incident and he said that he’s happy to carry on until I tell him that I’ll meet him at home one evening.  I cried a little in the office that first week and I was initially afraid that I would have a breakdown or need prozac.  I was so angry that it took several days for me to try and get over it.  I’m still angry but not losing as much sleep now.

As always, Helios has been a rock.  At one point during the first week after the incident, I told him that I was still so angry and he just said “me too”.  He’s simply there for me.  If I want to talk about it or not.  Just having him around helps me feel calm and safe.

Luckily I’m not off to see the in-laws and Apollo and Maia until 14^th August so I’m hoping that my rashes (some now have a scab over them) fade quickly!  Otherwise I may feel compelled to tell them what happened and I don’t want them to get the wrong idea and think badly of me.

As you can imagine, the incident has overshadowed other events in my life but that doesn’t mean that nothing else is happening.  I’ve had my first period after 8 weeks of birth control pills.  I was hoping that the period would be easier than it turned out to be but it’s still not so bad that I’m begging for surgery.  I did have what I’m calling a “ghost period” at week 4 when my body seemed determined to have a period and I just kept taking the tablets.  Luckily my light spotting and other symptoms only lasted a few days.  However, I have been suffering with exhaustion for the past 3 weeks or so.  I don’t know if it’s psychological because I know I’ve got a little more than a week off soon or if it is accompanying my running pill-packs together or even if I’m just run down and fighting off a cold but, for the past 2 weekends (and I expect this weekend will be no exception) I’ve had an extra nap on Saturday and Sunday.  The first weekend in particular that I did this (24^th and 25^th July) I was so tired on the Saturday that I was crying in the kitchen when I made sandwiches for lunch.

I’m still having wild dreams.  The most recent was very short.  I was with an old friend who introduced me to the Navy guy I dated at University.  Mom, you remember him, don’t you?  Anyway, this guy said that he was sorry to hear about Helios and wanted to know if I would be interested in his old friend again?  Without pondering why I’d ever be without Helios, I remembered the Navy guy’s body and Helios.  At 20 the Navy guy wasn’t nearly as well decked out as my Helios is at 40 so I said “Thanks but no thanks.”  I think the thought that I would be without Helios stems from a conversation I had with the carpool lady earlier that evening.  As usual, I can’t quite remember how we get onto subjects but we usually put the world to rights by the time we make it to my stop.  The carpool lady is just lovely and, since she has saved me a small mountain of cash, I’m already looking for something special for her birthday in September.

This weekend coming is (hopefully) going to be uneventful.  Helios is working this evening and then again on Sunday but he so rarely does overtime that I’m not complaining.  I may take the opportunity to have another massive clear out.

The good news is that I had a great time during my Relay for Life event to raise money for Cancer Research UK.  I was part of a team that walked around a small track for 24 hours.  Needless to say, I preferred to look after myself – since I have to eat at certain times and really need my sleep.  I only helped out the next morning.  My team raised about £2000 and I enjoyed it tremendously.

Foxy