I stopped publishing for a bit and then I stopped writing for a little while.
There was an incident that made me stop writing. On Monday 26th July I was getting my usual lift home from work. Normally I am dropped off just down the road and round the corner from my flat (It’s not quite a 5 minute walk from where I get collected/dropped off on the days that I carpool.) when 5 boys came around the corner and were walking towards me. The one walking ahead of the rest rummaged around in his shorts until he found what he was looking for and then proceeded to try and show it to me. Unfortunately it was so small that I didn’t get a glimpse of it until I was only a pace or two away from him but I did see a cock the size of a Tic-Tac. Or rather, I only saw the head of his tiny Tic-Tac Cock. I was so angry that, as they walked by I shouted “Not very impressive!” The little rodents shouted out something to me that I couldn’t hear because I was so angry. If he hadn’t had 4 friends behind him I would have been more tempted to beat the crap out of them but just the fact that he had so many reinforcements put me off. What kind of insignificant low-life has to do something like that to make himself feel like a man? And what kind of microscopic penis would really think that I would like seeing his tic-tac cock?
Up to the time of the incident I was already having a typical Monday. I managed to lose my watch at lunchtime and found myself racing to all the places I’d been in order to try and find it. I was upset at losing it partly because I knew that replacing it would cost me £40 or so that I hadn’t budgeted for but also because Helios had given it to me in the first place. Needless to say I gave up and ordered the replacement (exactly the same as the one I’d lost) and coughed up the £40.
That night Helios gave me a cuddle and offered to meet me where I get dropped off. He didn’t think that they’d be stupid enough to come back but we both knew that no one would try anything that stupid with him around – not because Helios looks like a serial killer but because bullies only go after people they think are weak. But, as with most of my short walks home, no one else has been around. Helios now thinks that it was a bunch of boys who, since school is officially out for the summer, decided to have a little fun at my expense and I’m inclined to agree with him because I’ve not seen them before and probably won’t again.
In the end I did ring the police but they couldn’t help. The police were helpful and sympathetic. He reminded me that I live in a very safe area and that they are keen to catch who did this. He did give me a phone number for victim of crime support but I’m not sure I’ll use it. Yes, I am still angry but I’m determined that they will not effect my life in any way. Having said that, I only feel safe in the office and at home in the flat with Helios. I’ve stopped going on my morning gym walk. I bought some wasp spray (because the public in this country cannot legally buy pepper spray) but I’ve not had the courage to go on the walks with or without the spray. As I say, I may ring the number, I might not. As the days go by, I feel more confident but then I get to the spot where it happened and I’m grateful that Helios has come to meet me as I’m dropped off by my carpooling friend.
In the meantime I’ve had a horrible time sleeping generally. I keep going over what I could have said to them instead – “Don’t I know your mother? She’ll be so proud when I ring her tonight!” or “My husband killed for the SAS – no one will ever find your body!” but ultimately I force myself to remember that there were five boys in total and I ought to count myself lucky that it wasn’t an incident that turned violent.
The first Monday after the incident was very stressful. I barely slept from anxiety and came out in a rash over my face, back and on my left arm and my right leg. Helios has continued collecting me from the drop off point since the incident and he said that he’s happy to carry on until I tell him that I’ll meet him at home one evening. I cried a little in the office that first week and I was initially afraid that I would have a breakdown or need prozac. I was so angry that it took several days for me to try and get over it. I’m still angry but not losing as much sleep now.
As always, Helios has been a rock. At one point during the first week after the incident, I told him that I was still so angry and he just said “me too”. He’s simply there for me. If I want to talk about it or not. Just having him around helps me feel calm and safe.
Luckily I’m not off to see the in-laws and Apollo and Maia until 14th August so I’m hoping that my rashes (some now have a scab over them) fade quickly! Otherwise I may feel compelled to tell them what happened and I don’t want them to get the wrong idea and think badly of me.
As you can imagine, the incident has overshadowed other events in my life but that doesn’t mean that nothing else is happening. I’ve had my first period after 8 weeks of birth control pills. I was hoping that the period would be easier than it turned out to be but it’s still not so bad that I’m begging for surgery. I did have what I’m calling a “ghost period” at week 4 when my body seemed determined to have a period and I just kept taking the tablets. Luckily my light spotting and other symptoms only lasted a few days. However, I have been suffering with exhaustion for the past 3 weeks or so. I don’t know if it’s psychological because I know I’ve got a little more than a week off soon or if it is accompanying my running pill-packs together or even if I’m just run down and fighting off a cold but, for the past 2 weekends (and I expect this weekend will be no exception) I’ve had an extra nap on Saturday and Sunday. The first weekend in particular that I did this (24th and 25th July) I was so tired on the Saturday that I was crying in the kitchen when I made sandwiches for lunch.
I’m still having wild dreams. The most recent was very short. I was with an old friend who introduced me to the Navy guy I dated at University. Mom, you remember him, don’t you? Anyway, this guy said that he was sorry to hear about Helios and wanted to know if I would be interested in his old friend again? Without pondering why I’d ever be without Helios, I remembered the Navy guy’s body and Helios. At 20 the Navy guy wasn’t nearly as well decked out as my Helios is at 40 so I said “Thanks but no thanks.” I think the thought that I would be without Helios stems from a conversation I had with the carpool lady earlier that evening. As usual, I can’t quite remember how we get onto subjects but we usually put the world to rights by the time we make it to my stop. The carpool lady is just lovely and, since she has saved me a small mountain of cash, I’m already looking for something special for her birthday in September.
This weekend coming is (hopefully) going to be uneventful. Helios is working this evening and then again on Sunday but he so rarely does overtime that I’m not complaining. I may take the opportunity to have another massive clear out.
The good news is that I had a great time during my Relay for Life event to raise money for Cancer Research UK. I was part of a team that walked around a small track for 24 hours. Needless to say, I preferred to look after myself – since I have to eat at certain times and really need my sleep. I only helped out the next morning. My team raised about £2000 and I enjoyed it tremendously.