I did half days most of this week because of my nerves and nausea. I thought I’d finally felt better yesterday afternoon when I found myself bouncing around the room to the jingle of an advert. I was not nauseated and had a brighter outlook. “Finally,” I thought, “I’m more like my old self!” I’m pleased to report that the nausea has come and gone since. I still have it but it’s not quite as fierce as it was. I will still mention it to the doctor when I see her tomorrow.
I will also need to mention the other end of my digestive system. Not good!
I’m having a strange side-effect: I’m sweating. My feet and hands are permanently wet at the moment. At first I thought it was my shoes so at work I went back to wearing an older pair, sure enough, my feet were still wet and cold. I have it at home as well. I seem to get warm and then I’m back to ice cold because my feet sweat so much. Yuk!
As well as anti-depressants, I’ve been taking Rescue Remedy in the hopes that it will help keep my nerves calm. I will admit that some days it helps more than others.
I think the side-effects aren’t helping my mental attitude. It’s true that I am feeling brighter and more capable but at the same time I’m also feeling uncomfortable and unsure. I’ll be sure to mention all this to the doctor. With luck she will be able to either give me something more suitable or suggest something else that I can be doing.
The only thing that appears to have not changed since I started displaying symptoms is… (drum roll please) my sex drive. I still cannot believe how much my hysterectomy has effected my desire for my husband. I could happily jump his bones with a little more regularity but I may just wear him out if I’m not careful! Luckily he doesn’t complain much. He actually lets me catch him when I chase him around the bedroom so I don’t think I’m at risk of damaging him yet.
Speaking of my husband, after reading my blog he pulled me aside and gave me a few homes truths. He said he was grateful when I said that I didn’t want to have children. He is delighted with the kids he has but didn’t particularly want more. Had we met earlier in our lives, perhaps we would have had kids, perhaps we wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter now. What matters is that I’m healthy and happy. Carrying around guilt for something that is out of my control is unhealthy. Then, he shook his finger at me and said in a stern voice “So stop it!”
The nice thing about my husband is that I’ve never felt any pressure from him to be anything but myself. In such a calm and nurturing environment, I’ve been able to let go some of the things that have plagued me. I no longer feel guilty for the wrongs I committed during my first marriage. I no longer feel as though I’m not living up to my potential in my career. For the first time in my life I am content and it’s something that I am enjoying. Now if only I could stop fretting, sweating and feeling nauseated…