I arrived early for my 8:30 appointment. To be honest, I knew I needed to see the doctor again but didn’t know what I wanted from the appointment. Normally, I have in mind what I want to get out of it and treat it like a business meeting. I have a list of symptoms and have a rough idea of what to expect from each appointment. This time, because I’ve been up and down and am on my second set of prescription anti-depressants, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew I needed something but wasn’t sure what I wanted.
Basically I am still struggling with my emotions – anxiety and depression. I feel down all the time and get apprehensive at the thought of going to work (even though work have been marvellous about supporting me through my health problems) and at the thought of doing anything outside my comfort zone. I was painfully anxious about going to the doctor this morning and found myself wringing my hands in an effort to keep them from feeling sweaty! I was so upset that I found myself feeling desperate for the toilet!
I had noticed that my nausea had subsided a bit over the weekend but returned with a vengeance Sunday afternoon. Taking this into consideration, the doc has given me more of the same tablets in the hope that, if I’m not feeling so anxious, the nausea will disappear. I’m to take 20mg instead of 10mg at night. We think that the current stomach trouble is due to anxiety rather than a side effect of the medication. (Based mainly on how I’m reacting to remaining in my comfort zone.) I’m not exactly delighted but strongly suspect she may be right. I have been asked to attend another follow-up after the holidays and am satisfied that, at the very least, I’m being looked after properly.
As well as upping my tablets, I found a recommended website that I’m finding to be helpful. There are links to books and other standard advice for handling depression and anxiety. I’m not enthusiastic but don’t have much enthusiasm for anything at the moment. It certainly looks good.
As well as seeing the doctor, I picked up the turkey this morning and fought my way through crowds to get some vegetables. I wish I felt more festive. Perhaps the tablets will kick in by New Year?