Anxiety

Anxiety is a strange thing.  It’s more than just a worry about passing your exams.  Worries,  like some fears, are healthy – worries remind you to do things in good time so that you’re prepared.  Anxiety is different.  It’s a shadow that looms over your every move.  It saps your confidence.  It haunts you day and night.  It can leave you unable to perform the simplest of tasks.  You know, I could easily succumb to agoraphobia.  Even now, parts of me would love to stay at home and never emerge.  However, in forcing myself to get out, I am keeping my confidence up and the anxiety is being kept at bay.

I am managing to get to work on time and am doing all the usual tasks.  I will admit that I find myself going over certain things (emails to clients for example) over and over again before I have the courage to complete it.  However, I am doing it and I have to focus on the little achievements sometimes: I am getting the job done and it’s taking all my strength to do it.  I should be given a medal.  I think one of those London 2012 Gold Medals would suffice.

Life goes on.  At work I’m managing to do my job.  I’m involved on a couple of committees where I have to organise and attend meetings.  The more I do at the office, the more comfortable I am with being there.  However, I do still fret when it comes to doing things outside my normal routine.  When it snows I find myself panicking about being able to get to/from work.  I have to keep reminding myself that I can only do what I can do.  Luckily I’m only 4 miles from home so if the trains stop running altogether one afternoon (which is unlikely) I can walk home and complain like mad the next morning.

So I’m getting by with a lot of effort.

Foxy