Although I am physically feeling better, I found myself battling depression late last year. It all started because my father in law’s health was deteriorating – his remission from prostate cancer came to an end. You may recall that my father died in August 2011 so to go through it all again was extremely daunting. You may already know that once depression takes hold, it is far too easy to focus on the negative of any given situation. I even found myself feeling guilty that I was physically feeling better! I had some counselling and this, together with prescribed anti-depressants, have really helped my state of mind.
I now feel that being able to help my husband and his family through grief, I have been able to let go of the guilt I felt at not being there for my own father. Let me be clear – I was there as much as I could be bearing in mind that I live on the other side of an ocean. I never stopped loving my dad and was deeply scarred when he died.
I continued to take antidepressants even after I started feeling better mainly because Helios and I are trying to move home and this process in the UK is extremely stressful – so much so that the closer we get to finally exchanging contracts, the less the antidepressants seem to work for me! I have promised myself that I will stop taking them once we get into our new property. In the meantime, I’ve also continued meditating at least once a day. It is difficult to put everything that’s going on in my mind to one side for even a few minutes but I always emerge more calm. I have found it really helps. Finding something that helps is a relief in itself.