Laparoscopic Hysterectomy – My Experience

I’m home now.  My time at hospital was really nice.  I went in on Friday morning.  I was doing what I usually do: cracking jokes and trying to put everyone else at ease.  I figure it’s easy to feel good when everyone around you is relaxed.  I was 3^rd on the list that morning so I had some time to wait.

While I waited, I was asked again if I really wanted to keep my cervix – I am still at risk of cervical cancer with a cervix and so will still need to have smear tests.  If I need to have more surgery there, it will be harder than having everything out at once.  I said I wanted to keep it.   I told the nurse that part of the reason I was so keen to keep it for two reasons: the first was because of how I have orgasms.  I know my body well enough to know that I have vaginal, cervical and uterine orgasms.   Lucky for me the uterine orgasms were very rare indeed.  I think I had two or three over my lifetime.  The most recent one made me felt as though I’d been kicked in the womb.  Consequently, I don’t think I’ll miss my uterus after all.  However, the other two are very common for me.  Vaginal orgasms, for me are nice but small.  I can have a few of those before I have a cervical orgasm.  It’s the cervical orgasm that instantly satisfies.  It’s a lot stronger than the vaginal ones.   Generally after a cervical orgasm I go straight to sleep.  Having said that, more recently, I would have back pain before I was able to fall asleep.

The second reason I wanted to keep my cervix is because I feel as though I’m still making up for lost time with my first husband.  I realise I have been with Helios for 6 years so I should have gotten over the whole “wasted time with the ex” thing but after 12 years of being with a man who only wanted to be physical with me once every 6 months or so, it’s little wonder I still chase Helios around the bed.  I’m delighted that Helios lets me catch him!

I think from the discussions I had, usually women choose a total hysterectomy when they get the chance to get the surgery.  I found out after my surgery that the lady across from me had everything removed.

What really surprised me was how many nurses remembered me.  As I was wheeled to theatre, I was chatting with the nurse and said “Thanks for the ride!”  I suppose they don’t get very many former Yanks in a UK hospital who are very good at cracking jokes.  I didn’t remember to write on my belly this time so I just told them that I was only in for a manicure and, when the anaesthetist was putting me to sleep I started singing:

“Good night sweetheart, well it’s time to go.  Doh Doh Dee Doh Doh…  Good night sweetheart well it’s time to go  Doh Doh Doh Doh  I hate to leave you but I really must say…  Goodnight sweetheart, Good night!”  OK, I didn’t get to finish but I made them smile.

While I was under, I understand, I had to have some fibroids cut away and removed via the laparoscopic tools in order to make my uterus small enough to pull through my vagina and cut my uterus away completely.

In recovery I was well looked after.  I had a bit of discomfort so I asked for some painkillers and was given oxygen.  I was sent back to my room.  I have three holes in my belly this time.

I was wheeled back to my multi-occupant room.  I know some people find multi-occupancy a bad thing but I was comforted by the fact the woman across from me was having the same operation and we got the chance to get to know one another just a little.  It was nice to have company.  Of course, I was cracking jokes and trying to let everyone feel better.

I had to stay overnight  because the nurses wanted to remove my catheter at about 11pm.  I dozed off and on the rest of the night.  I was finally allowed to go the next morning after I could prove that I could empty my bladder effectively.  I’m feeling amazing after the surgery.  So far I only have had ibuprofen and paracetamol for the pain; bearing in mind I’ve had so many problems with pain, I’m impressed I don’t need stronger medications after a major surgery!

Foxy