Today I found myself standing in the bathroom – my head was resting on the wall, my stomach was pressed against the radiator and I’d already had my mefenamic acid for the morning. I felt groggy from the pain meds and in agony – not a nice combination! I grabbed a paracetamol/codeine tablet and staggered back to bed. Strangely I have very little trouble drifting off in the middle of the day when I’ve had my pain meds!
Now I’m up again. I’ve had some lunch (leftovers of course) and another mefenamic acid tablet. I stagger the anti-inflammatories with the painkillers so that as one falls away, the other takes over with pain relief. I’m tired and may go back to bed again. It’s hard to know what to do next. I’m tired – tired of the crazy lengths I go to to manage and avoid pain, tired of the pain, tired of feeling only remotely human, tired of having my head roll around on my neck as if my neck were made of a length of rope, tired of not being able to enjoy anything without organising my body around it, tired of waiting for surgery.