I had my colposcopy. In the end, I did ask Helios to come along. I don’t like the thought of being weak but I asked him to come. I felt I could use the moral support and I was calmed before the appointment knowing that he was coming along.
My appointment wasn’t until 3:40 so I had most of the day to stew about the upcoming appointment. By 3:00, I felt rather shaky and I asked my boss to go. She was great and sent me on my way.
I got to the supermarket where I met Helios as planned. We walked across the road and into the hospital. I reminded Helios that the last colposcopy I had was a little painful so he asked me for an “attack word” – in other words he wanted to know when I was in too much pain so that he could hurt the people hurting me. You may recall that I think men are like dogs? Helios was my guard husband today.
The appointment itself went well. I got the answers to my questions. Make sure to bring a list of questions: when was the start date of your last period? Do you have any other symptoms? Do you have any questions? For me, there were a number of other people in the room – for me it was three nurses. As there is nothing dignified with what’s about to happen, I figure you may want to consider inviting some long-lost ex-boyfriends as well, just to complete the humiliation!
Then they get you in the chair. As you know this chair is not like other chairs. It’s a much less dignified version of a stair lift. You ultimately find yourself on your back, legs apart, and your bottom feels just a little like you’re about to fall off the contraption. As if in a museum, your best feature is on display for everyone’s admiration.
The usual appliances go into the usual places. This is uncomfortable but not painful. I’m not going to lie to you, the next bit isn’t a picnic. The doctor gets set up and then asks you to cough. The first time I did it, I felt a sharp sensation so I didn’t cough hard enough which meant I had to cough again. This time I made sure to cough hard, which was painful but not agony.
Then came the worst bit: they need to cauterise the wound and they put what felt like a concentrated hot fire onto that little pinprick of an area. During my first colposcopy, it carried on for a bit longer than I really wanted and I told the doctor to “Get out of there!” Normally I like to feel that, should anything go wrong, I can always kick the doctor in the head. When this happens, the best thing to do is breathe deeply. I find that breathing out, in particular, helps tremendously. This time, with my attack husband by my side, I tried to keep my cool and it seemed to be over much more quickly.
After the procedure I was stunned to find I was unable to move my legs properly straightaway. This is normal. They’ve been poking around where only doctors should go. Ask for a drink of water and let your legs recover – this should only take a few minutes.