I saw someone I used to work with when I went to the grocery store with Helios today. As we climbed out of his Volvo (which is the size of a small continent), I saw her. I’ve not seen her in years. She looked great. Immediately I marched over and asked her how she was. She smiled, waved and pointed at the monstrously large car and said “Aren’t you getting the baby out?”
It’s the littlest questions that have the potential of knocking you for a six.
I didn’t bother explaining about the Endometriosis, the miscarriages, the incessant pain, the PCOS, the depression; I just smiled and said I never had babies. When is a good time to tell old friends about this sort of thing? I suppose I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to start to sound militant in the middle of the grocery car park. Can you imagine? “This, then this, then this, and another thing – pain, suffering, pain and more pain.” Poor thing would dread running into me again, I can assure you! But then, this is Endo Awareness Month; I should have at least mentioned it. Perhaps I’ve gone too British for my own good?
Lucky for me I feel OK about bumping into her. Had I run into her a couple of years ago I probably would have been devastated at her logical observation: big car = little family. Now I don’t feel angry or upset by it. I don’t feel that she’s attacked my femininity. I haven’t broken down in tears because I cannot have children of my own. It’s a testament to my state of mind now as well as my relationship with Helios and Apollo that I don’t feel depressed. All the pain that I’ve experienced has made me grateful for the peace and calm I feel now. As she drove away, I waved and smiled at her.