Children and Divorce

I’ve been in touch with some old friends recently –I was really shocked to find that most of my old high school friends have children and that most of them are divorced!

Now, I need to take my hat off to my mother.  Back in the 70s she left my dad but she absolutely insisted that I see him regularly.  Now, I’m not saying that there weren’t arguments, but on the whole I was lucky enough to have plenty of access to both parents.

I am incredibly lucky to have such an enlightened mother!  There are so many children out there who don’t get to see both their parents regularly.  I’m not just talking about Maia and Apollo, I’m talking about a number of my friends who either deny access to fathers or have access to their children denied to them.

For example, there’s a bloke I’ve been corresponding with (someone I knew in high school) whose ex-wife is an alcoholic and a slob.  He sent me photos of her house and I couldn’t tell that it was a bathroom until I realised there was a toilet underneath and behind a mountain of dirty clothes, broken baby toys and garbage bags.  Her house is so bad that the dogs pee and poop in the house!  I can’t imagine trying to raise children in that environment!  The sad thing is the alcoholic pee-stained mother has custody while my friend is the one who has been denied access.  He’s suing his ex-wife and I’m wishing him luck.

Being childless is a mixed blessing.  I like my life now, but there will always be a small part of me that will wonder what would have happened if I had said to Helios: “Let’s make a baby!”  However, as much as I couldn’t imagine my life without kids when I was younger, I can’t imagine my life with babies now.  I’m so much more relaxed and contented than I’ve ever been.  I’ve got the good side of having a relationship with a couple of great step-kids in Apollo and Maia (presuming Maia grows out of that “17 year old” phase eventually) without the complicated side of dirty diapers, taking time off work when they’re sick and worrying about how well they’re doing in school.  Oh sure, I know everyone who has children says that they’re worth it, but I adore the step-kids I have.  Why would I want to make someone else?



One thought on “Children and Divorce

  1. My mom has made a personal comment to me about this post. She told me that she thought Dad was a terrible parent: he was terribly juvenile and had a number of road traffic accidents. Mom would worry every second I was with him. Mom has said this to me with examples that I will not publish. While I agree that he was juvenile and reckless on the roads, I thought he was OK when I was little. Of course, I grew up and he didn’t. The point of my post is that I knew him. I was allowed to form my own opinions of him. I didn’t mentally have him on a pedestal because I didn’t have enough contact. I didn’t worship him from afar and have unrealistic expectations of him. He is who he is and I love him, despite the fact that he is irresponsible and juvenile. It’s important in this life to learn to love people in their entirety, their faults make them who they are as much as their good qualities. Mom, it cannot have been easy for you to see me go away with Dad every other weekend but I’m so grateful you did. I’m a better person because of your bravery.

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