I have some horrible news. I’ve grown another bra size. I think it’s official now that I’ve bought more than one bra in the new size. OK, I’m hoping that they’ll shrink back a bit after my next cycle but I’m so uncomfortable in DDs that I had to go shopping again for something even bigger… For some women this would be a wonderful event celebrated with champagne. However, for people like me it’s something else to sigh about. I started noticing these gastly growths at the tender age of 10. TEN!! It’s no wonder I have a slightly hunched back – in a subconscious “I’m no slut” way.
When I was young (several centuries ago) I wore some nice bras. Nothing lacy and rarely something with matching nice underwear. I didn’t want to look “easy” and considered myself “tasteful”. Now I’m wishing I had had nicer bras when I was young because the boobs I have today are so enormous that my bras look like hammocks! Wow Foxy, those hammocks are smashing!
I suppose I ought to be grateful because there are some women who pay a small fortune for the size of software I’ve got but I can’t help but moan. It’s bad enough I have to heave them over my shoulders when I climb the stairs. Anyone who wants big ones like me ought to know that it can be painful to even go upstairs sometimes.
My mom once warned me that I’ll probably grow a size every decade. At this rate they’ll be dragging on the ground by the time I’m 60! I don’t like the thought of it, but maybe I’ll put in for a reduction and by the time I’m 60 I’ll be ready for the reduction surgery and I’ll ask for a B cup.
Most red-blooded men like big ones but I was cuddling up to Helios earlier in the summer and when I flopped my left boob on his back (so that I could get close to him, you see?) he complained at the weight and told me to get it off him. Now we are separated by the gigantic land-mass that is my boobs in bed. Worse, I still have to carry the things around despite having no easy-carry handles!
I wouldn’t want mosquito-bite boobs either. Why can’t we ladies have something in between mosquito bites and hammocks?