Not just a Step-Mom

Helios and I tried to contact Maia.  Although she replied to me, I’m still unsure exactly what she wants.  I think that she’s still confused but she did say that she’s not happy with a relationship and doesn’t want contact, not even with me at the very least.  As disappointed as I am, I have to respect her wishes.  I have tried to let her know that we’re still here for her no matter what and we’ll be ready for her when she next wants to try.  Of course, I’m still considering contacting her again every so often just to keep in touch – but I’ve not done anything about it just yet.  I don’t want to push her too far in the other direction…  I will admit that every time I get a notification of a new email at the moment, I get a momentary stomach-flutter and hope it’s her.

Now that things have gone quiet with Maia, but Apollo still seems ok with contact, I am managing to drift off to sleep earlier than before.  It’s so hard to drift off to sleep once I get it in my head that I want to talk to either of them.  I suppose now that I know how Maia is feeling about us (even though it’s not positive) I’ve decided to settle into the knowledge that she’s happy (when not confused) and safe.  I do hope she’ll want to try again when she gets a little older and perhaps more mature with relationships.  We can’t give up hope entirely!

In the meantime, Apollo isn’t online as often as before but we still hear from him once a week to once a fortnight.  Again, it’s a relief to know that he’s safe and happy.  I’m looking forward to August and to seeing him again.  I have been reading a series of books that he recommended and I am keen to discuss the writing with him.  He said that he identified with a particular character and, as the character becomes more prominent in the books, I have questions like why he identifies with him and at what point in the story did he realise that he’s like this character?  I’m really enjoying the books but can’t wait to start the next series Apollo recommended…

I’m sleeping a little better now – I go to bed before/at 9:30 (and actually drift off within a reasonable amount of time) and I’m awake between 5:00 and 5:30 most mornings.  Last weekend I managed to sleep in an extra hour in the morning (i.e. up at 6:20 a.m.) and considered myself lucky.  (!)  Helios seems to be able to sleep anywhere at any time and without too much difficulty getting there.  I think it must have something to do with him being ex-military.

So today, having arisen early (5:20 a.m.), I went out for my walk straightaway and jogged part of the way as I felt good about it.  The spring blossoms have shrunk and lost their glory.  I was so early this morning that I was roughly half-way through my walk by the time I normally start.  Bearing that in mind, I went a little further and part-jogged around so that I would get the full benefit of the effort.  I like the walks and having a little time to myself – I find that I wind up talking to myself all the way around.  I hope that’s not a sign of madness!

We are in full summertime flow and suffered our first heatwave of the summer last weekend.  I finally got some help with getting the summer clothes down from the top of the wardrobe and started re-filling the case with jumpers and wintery clothes.  We even had a BBQ with salads on Saturday and Sunday!  I made Helios potato salad for the first time.  I absolutely LOVE potato salad.  I seem to remember making meals of it in the summertime when I was a kid.  Hey Mom!  Do you remember making your turquoise mixing bowl full of potato salad and me demolishing it in no time at all?  Luckily Helios liked it.  He said he wasn’t expecting to but went back for seconds (which I always count as a huge compliment).  Then he requested more on Sunday!  It was so hot that I did laundry at night and put it on the line in the morning.  It was dry by the time I went to get it in the evening!  It’s so nice to let the sun do the work for you.

The forecasters have said that the weather will be going back to more seasonable temperatures so I hope that’s not the last of the summer that we’ll be seeing this year!

My office have organised a team to do the Relay for Life event in July.  The event requires participants to walk around a track/course from 12 midday on a Saturday to 12 midday on a Sunday to raise money for Cancer Research UK .  Initially I was hesitant about doing it as I didn’t want to spend my whole weekend doing it, but it turns out that I can come along and do the morning shift on Sunday.  I plan to get there early (between 6:00 and 7:00) and then take a nap later on in the afternoon at home.  In the meantime, participants are required to raise money in order to take part in the event and Helios and I got our baking gloves on last weekend.  Helios and I made some Walnut Shortbread Cookies that are SO nice!  I’ve been selling them at work to help start off the process.  As soon as I get a formal sponsorship form I’ll send some cookies to the Courts Service for Liz and the gang to contribute.  I also mentioned my plans to my mother in law who pledged £10 – I don’t know why I was surprised!  Probably because I’ve never had support for any of the charity work that I’ve done in the past from Ramman’s family, so I really didn’t expect it, even though I know how generous Helios’s mum is.  I’m really excited about it.  It’s been a long time since I’ve raised money for charity and doing it always makes me feel good.  I don’t know why I stopped but suspect it had something to do with Ramman and his greedy, mercenary, thoughtless, self-centred family…

I got back early from my walk and had an IM conversation with my friend at Autoimmune Life.  She’s still pregnant – keep praying though!  An extra prayer or two for her well-being won’t hurt! Unfortunately I didn’t get much gossip from her because I had to go and get ready for work but I’m always delighted to hear that she’s getting on well.

My new birth control pills are obviously working well so far.  No babies here!  LOL  But seriously, I have noticed my bloating has returned with my time of month impending but my mood is really good so far.  For example, yesterday at work was very hot and everyone seemed to be a bit fraught but I was my cheerful, happy self.  I sat at my desk and wondered why everyone seemed to be so cross without feeling any ill-effects of the PMT I normally expect at this time of month.  OK, I was a little grouchy on Sunday but if my PMT only lasts a couple of hours each month instead of several days, I may have an answer to that side of my health problems!

The only other thing that I’m a little concerned about is the follow up test that I have on 22nd June after my biopsy turned up “not enough interesting things to speak of”.  I told the gang at work that it was a routine check and didn’t mention the biopsy at all.  I hope that decision (to withhold information) won’t come back to haunt me.