Step-kids

We still haven’t heard from Maia.  Sometimes it doesn’t bother me that I know she’s angry because I know she’ll come back to her dad of her own accord when she’s ready; however,  sometimes it bothers me that and I feel like we blew our chance with her.  I’m not angry at her – I just wish I could help.

At least we’re still trying to keep contact going.  My logic for contacting her once a week or so is to remind her that we’re still here waiting for her without forcing the issue.  I know she wants a relationship with Helios because of all the discussions she’s had with me about it before she stopped replying.  One of the things that she said to me was that she wondered if her mum was right about Helios.  That statement has me thinking: I wonder how Helios can prove his ex-wife wrong.  The statement – amongst all the other complaints Maia made that day – made me wonder exactly what was said about Helios over the years.  Of course, it would be easier to refute the charges if I knew what they were…

I wonder what Maia was expecting when she first got in touch.  She said that she thought it would be natural and – within 3 minutes – she said that she wasn’t expecting it to be easy and it’s little wonder that she’s angry.  Now I know that she’s confused but I wonder if, amongst all the other things that are going on in her head, the reality that her father is just a bloke disappointed her.  I wonder if, in the years that they weren’t in contact, she put the memory of him on a pedestal and maybe dreamed of being rescued by a handsome red-headed man.  (Bearing in mind that her boyfriend is a red-head, I might not be entirely wrong.)  It’s no wonder she’s disappointed.  In all the books that read when I was young, the father-figure was brave, strong but sensitive and honest.  While Helios has all these traits, he’s just not very good at showing it.  He’s still very much a dad where Maia is concerned.  To him that means he has to be strong with her.  I see him as a disciplinarian.  As much as I agree that you have to be hard on kids sometimes, I also know that his kids aren’t under 10 anymore and, as they’re seeing themselves as adults, I want to try to treat them as such.  I know that I shouldn’t condone her behaving like a two year old but I know she doesn’t yet have the emotional maturity to be able to express all the feelings she’s having.  If I’m right, she has a lot of pent-up emotion that requires an out and behaving like a two year old is the only way she knows how to express herself.  I hope that, if she sees that we are serious about staying in touch with her that she will learn new, more appropriate behaviours as well as see her parents for who they are – people.

Ultimately, I still believe that she’ll get back in touch again.  It might be within a year or so if we carry on trying even if she doesn’t reply.  I expect, once she realises that the door is open and we’re waiting for her on the other side, she might be brave enough to come through again.  I can’t help but think that she’ll lose all hope of a relationship if we fail her now and it might take several years before we hear from her again.

While we still hear from Apollo, it’s not quite as often as it was before.  Last I heard from him was last week when I was off sick and he texted me during his lunch break.  We had a 5 minute conversation which made this old bird very happy.  I am presuming that he still lives under the same roof as Maia and his mother and so him contacting us can be a little awkward.  (?)  He tends to go online from his mobile phone when he’s at a friend’s house – which may or may not mean that he’s contacting us without Maia’s or his mother’s knowledge.  Either way I’m not going to ask him about it – I’m just grateful for his time!

I find it hard enough second-guessing a teenage girl, but if I tried to get into the head of a teenage boy my head may explode!   I may be wrong, but he seems to be happy with the contact that we’re having at the minute.  Consequently I’m losing sleep over Maia and not Apollo.

Someone at work said to me the other day that men are simple: they like beer, women and food.  Keep a man supplied with all three and you’ve got a happy man.  Women are more complicated and we tend to over-think things.  Am I over-thinking my situation with my step-kids?  Probably.  I’d rather know what Maia’s thinking so that we can at least keep trying to have a relationship instead of this deathly silence…  I’ll let you know anything new as and when it arises.

Foxy

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One thought on “Step-kids

  1. You know, that’s the lament of all parents. “When are my kids going to call or email me. I want to know what’s going on with them so I don’t have to worry so much.”

    Also, teenagers’ brains aren’t fully developed and they make poor choices. They don’t see not being in contact as a problem for parents. They prefer to keep parents in a constant state of worry, then they can throw the fact that they aren’t trusted (and shouldn’t be, of course–that brain thing again) and keep the fuel on the fire. I know you can’t not worry and be concerned, I know I can’t even with my kids who are adults, but just hang on. They will get back to you in their own sweet time. Like when they have nothing else to do, have a falling out with their mother, need something, or just want to have you and their father in their lives after the mature a bit more. I bet it’s less that she’s mad and more that she likes to have the control and wanting to make you worry and bend over backwards when she does call. Devious, these teens.

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