It was a long weekend. Maia was being a particular teenager. She was upset that Apollo had had more time with Helios than her. She was upset that she was initiating contact with Helios – when we know that that’s not entirely true. She was upset with some of the things that had happened in the past like why Helios had “never bothered to get in touch”, when I know for a fact that this isn’t entirely true either. She was being incoherent and unreasonable. At first she was saying that she thought the relationship between her and her father would have come naturally and in the next moment she sent she said that it was little wonder she was upset and that he brought her anger upon himself.
She was even angry that I seemed to care more than her dad does – and I found myself angry at that statement. Helios, being a typical bloke, isn’t terribly demonstrative and hates small talk, so it’s little wonder that I’m the one who makes the odd comment to her saying “What are you wearing to the party?” and “Hope you have a nice time.” This doesn’t mean that Helios cares any less. It just means he’s not good at showing it. The point is that my expectations are realistic where it comes to Helios. I don’t ever expect him to say that he loves me – firstly because he shows me quite regularly just by being his thoughtful self (I’d rather be shown than told, wouldn’t you?) and secondly because it makes his saying “I love you” all the more special when he does.
It’s little wonder that by the end of our conversations with Maia, I was confused and wondered where all the venom had come from. OK, I’ll grant you that I wasn’t expecting things between Helios and his kids to be smooth sailing from the start, but it would be nice to have a little warning before the knives are drawn…
I hope I managed to make some progress with Helios and Maia. Although she’s still very upset, both of them have said that they still want to have some sort of relationship. I tried to get her to calm down by trying to get her to explain herself. While she is a very bright kid, I don’t think she’s emotionally mature enough to point to the reason of her anger. Of course, there might not be just one explanation and that, coupled with emotions that can be overwhelming (or at least that’s what I remember about being a teenager) leaves her confused and me totally baffled. It would be nice to be able to help but if she’s this confused, there’s no way I’ll know where to start.
In the meantime, Apollo was unusually silent this weekend as well. As both of their behaviour seems a bit out of the ordinary, I’m wondering if they’re suffering some stresses at home that we are not aware of. Maybe Maia had an argument with her boyfriend and decided that all men are “pond scum” – as my mother used to say? Maybe Apollo made his sister jealous and then stood back and watched the fur fly? There’s no easy way to know as Maia isn’t specific about the problems – she just keeps coming out with “and another thing! And another thing! And another thing!”
Due to all this stress I slept very badly last night and dreamt one of my long and involved vivid dreams about a mouse going through several tests and trying hard to pass. I expect a psychologist would have a field-day with all my mad dreams. I’ve also had a hard time with my food today – I’m not hungry and have to force myself to eat even though I really don’t want it. This morning’s breakfast was particularly hard. Don’t worry, I’m not pregnant. It’s the stress of thinking that Maia is upset with Helios that’s put me off food. In fact, I was so stressed for the year or so before I finally asked for a divorce that I lost a dress size. Some people eat when they’re stressed but I do the opposite.
In other news, I’m seeing my GP again on Wednesday to have a discussion about PMT (aka PMS in the US ). I find it difficult to control my temper (not just anger but tearful as well) for roughly two weeks of every month now. As much as I’m happy to take Milk Thistle, I’m wondering now if I there’s any alternative and if a different birth control pill might help. My periods don’t seem too bad at the moment, so I’m thanking whoever it was that first discovered them. They’re not as good as a treatment targeting endometriosis, but it’s close enough for me at the minute!
Although I didn’t go on many gym walks last week, I managed my 6:00 a.m. walk today. Normally I find it relaxing but I think I was still upset about Maia being so angry for it to keep me calm. I hope things will quieten down again shortly.
My birthday is on Friday so Helios and I spent a good portion of Sunday baking a double-batch of peanut butter cookies. I’ve frozen quite a few so that they’ll still be fresh by Friday. The tradition in the UK is that you take cakes in to work for your colleagues on your birthday and in return you receive a card. Well, everyone at work knows I used to be an American and that I have a reputation as a good cook so I wanted to treat everyone to something a little different. Also, I just love baking with Helios. He does all the hard work (I find stirring quite hard on the wrists if I’m not careful) and is happy to be a guinea pig.
Last week I was thinking “I need to remind Helios about my birthday” when he said to me “Your birthday is Friday next week. I’ve found something that you’ll love.” What a guy!