Tales from Beautiful England

It’s raining here again.  I really shouldn’t complain: at least it’s not snowing BUT there are times when I wish it would stop!

The weekend, once again, was very relaxing.  I did the laundry, went to the grocery, cooked and cleaned.  I also had a bit extra sleep on Sunday: I tend to fall asleep at 11:30 to midnight and I’m getting up between 7:30 and 8:00 at the weekends.  I suppose that’s technically enough sleep but with the extra dreams I’m having I don’t always feel rested in the morning.

For instance, I woke up this morning after another vivid dream.  I dreamt that Helios and I had a little girl.  She had beautiful red hair and grey/green eyes but she had my smile.  We were all trying to live in our tiny flat.  Helios and I were sleeping in the living room and our girl had the bedroom.  One more person is too much for our flat.  No matter how gorgeous she is.  In the dream I was struggling to keep on top of things: the place was dusty, I was worried about her schooling and I was tired from working full time as well.  I seem to remember not being able to find clothes for work.  I found a grey top with blue and purple polka dots and I was looking for my purple trousers but, of course, I don’t have clothes like that.  Perhaps I was overwhelmed with the laundry at the weekend?  No.  I think it might have been because I was sorting the socks and folding the underwear just before Helios and I came to bed.  As for the little girl – I don’t have the foggiest idea why I was dreaming of children. She chased after Helios as only a little girl who loves her father would.  It was lovely to watch.

Also I had an electronic chat with my friend J at Autoimmune Life at the weekend.  She sounds like she’s run off her feet, but at least she’s getting somewhere.  It must be so rewarding to spend time with her step kids, even if she can’t see them as often as she might like just yet.  They seem to be doing well now that they have regular contact with their father and their mother sounds content that they’ll be looked after when they visit J.  If only I could get my family life that sorted!

With Helios beside me, as well as chatting electronically, I asked Apollo if he would be free to visit when we go down to Helios’ home town.  Apollo said yes but then warned that he’s been told he’s not always good with people.  Now, I cannot imagine who could have told him that because I like him already.  I made a joke of it but will leave my guard up just in case he makes an off-colour remark.  I find it odd that he would say something like that though – I think we seem to get on OK already.  I wonder where he gets the idea that he’s hard to get along with.  Nevertheless, I’m really looking forward to meeting him.  At least I got a positive response.   All I have to do is remind him nearer the time and get some contact details so that we can organise ourselves properly on the day.  One step closer.  Again, I won’t get my hopes up too much just in case he loses his nerve and I certainly won’t hold it against him later on if he does.  At least he now knows that we’re keen to see him!

Then of course, as we’re chatting away Apollo says “I want to get a motorcycle.”  Now, if you’re a parent, this is probably one of the worst things you can hear.  It’s got to be right up there with “Can I get some more needles for my habit please?” or “Bungee jumping is perfectly safe.”  Helios simply said “You’re not getting one,”  to which Apollo replied “You can’t stop me.”  Trouble is that I can see the situation from both sides: on the one hand Helios has to remember that Apollo is 18 and has his own ideas of what he wants to do with his life.  On the other, there really are safer ways to travel and if you muck up your health then your whole life just gets tougher.  So there’s me watching this conversation unfold and wishing I had the courage to knock their heads together.  Apollo, if you ever read this, I will not give you my blessing for getting a motorcycle.  However, realistically, please  please please reassure me that you will always drive safely – every single moment.  Also, that you will always wear appropriate protective gear – no matter how hot and lovely the weather.  If it were up to me you’d be in a nice big Volvo Estate with lots of safety equipment around you but I realise that the choice isn’t up to me.  We care so much about you, I’d hate for something bad to happen to you.  I’ll stop clucking now.

I bumped into another old friend on the way into work this morning.  I had the experience of filling her in on all the gossip: the divorce (which she knew), Helios and the wedding (which she didn’t know), and she asked if I’d had children.  She looked disappointed when I said no.  I would have been offended had it been anyone else but she and I used to have serious heart to hearts about life years ago, so her reaction was to be expected.  I suppose it’s a reaction that I’ll have to get used to as I get older because everyone else seems to have children.  The general public, I think, expects women to have babies and obviously ask questions if they don’t.  I don’t want to get into the miscarriages and endometriosis in the middle of the street when it’s raining.  Am I thinking too much about what other people think?  I suppose I’m trying to find a good answer to the question so I don’t get asked again.  How about “I like kids but couldn’t eat a whole one”?  Hopefully I’ll get to see her soon and I can hear all about her kids and any other gossip that’s worth having…


2 thoughts on “Tales from Beautiful England

  1. I have had dreams like that about Johnny and I having a baby before… those happened before any of my pregnancies. Since then I’ve been having more pregnancy and birth dreams, or dreams about Duckling and Gamer.

    I am so incredibly glad we’ve been able to chat a bit again, and had that wonderful talk that you mention in here. As far as running my feet off, that is the best way I’ve heard it put while I’ve been doing all of this! It certainly feels like that’s what has been happening! I would say our family life is FAR from sorted, it’s just better than it was. I hope it continues to improve, though I am scared it will all fall apart on me… especially since I’m the one keeping things going. Johnny and his ex are both communicating through me, and though I don’t mind, some days I can’t handle it. Ugh.

    As for the motorcycle, I’d be having the same reactions… especially since my father is an EMT and was an assistant fire chief and I was involved in the fire department as well and saw accidents. We also have a family friend who was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident, I won’t go into details, but I don’t think he’s walking on his own (well) still, and more often than not he uses canes… and this accident happened somewhere around 7 or 8 years ago, and we’re now multiple surgeries later.

    I’m glad that you have this friend, and that she is someone you were able to talk to about all of it in the past. Also… great answer!! 😀 😀 I love it!

    You may have noticed I’ve been using Johnny’s name here…. I’m working on moving my blog, and part of that includes “coming out” at least partially, because the location it is being moved to is known by my ex sister in law, and ex friends, so if for some reason they chose to look up the domain name (though they don’t know the autoimmunelife part) they would find it. Since that is the case I’m becoming slightly more public with everything, though still keeping a lot of stuff less public.


  2. J,
    You’re such a sweetheart! I suppose I should have said that your life is on the right track rather than totally sorted. You just sound like you’ve got so many things under control – but keeping things “under control” is different from “totally sorted”!

    Your blog life sounds complicated! Please just keep me up to date with things, OK?

    Lots of love,

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