Part of what set this blog entry off was a comment that Helios made last night: he said he still sometimes felt that he didn’t deserve me. How crazy is that?? He cooks, he cleans, he irons, he’s considerate and thoughtful. He’s happy to get the groceries. He takes the garbage out. Whenever I ask him to do something, he usually does it within 10 minutes! What else would I want from a husband? I told him he’s being silly and he said that “feelings aren’t always rational”, which is very true. But what he said got me thinking about how lucky I am.
I have a tremendous husband. As last year dragged on, I was grateful to be with him. He never griped that we didn’t have any money. He never pestered me about getting a job (because he knew I was looking) and he encouraged me when I needed it. Even though we had some time off together, we couldn’t take all our holiday time together because I was getting paid by the hour and so couldn’t afford to take as much time off as he did.
Currently I’ve got a pretty good job that’s reasonably local. There are people who work downstairs who have said that they wouldn’t mind car-pooling – which would mean a significant weight off my shoulders as far as travel expenses go. I’m already given a lift home Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays from one of the gals in my room as she passes my road to get home. I’m really touched by this gesture because I’ve not been with the company a month and everyone tends to go out of their way to be friendly.
I could easily complain that last year was a hard year (and it was!) but I’m delighted to have achieved so much: I finally finished off my anti-depressants and I’m naturally happy again. I came off my neural inhibitor (for the pain). I managed to find enough work to keep the wolf from the door throughout the year. The last six months at the Court Service I didn’t take one day off sick which, considering my chronic conditions, is pretty good! I expect my Resume doesn’t look too bad considering the financial climate at the moment. Now, I’m in a good job with nice people that isn’t too stressful for me. I go to work, do what I can, and then leave it all behind promptly at 5:30. I suppose it only goes to show that things will work out in the end, if given enough time!
Also, and even though it’s not really an achievement of mine, I’m delighted my step-daughter has gotten in touch. It must have taken quite a bit of courage to make the effort! I can imagine she’d have worried if Helios was going to reject her before she got the courage up. It’s been a few years since Helios and Maia have seen one another. It’s lovely to see her current photos. She has her father’s eyes and her grandfather’s ears. I’m trying to encourage good communication. Whenever I see that she’s online, I make sure to enquire after her. So far, Helios and I have spoken to her most days, even if it’s just a little chat about food, music or the day’s events. She seems a lovely kid and I feel lucky to have her in my life at last!
In other news, I received feedback from the biopsy I had done before Christmas. They did find some questionable cells and I’m going back for another smear test in June. I’m surprisingly relaxed about this. I figure: if it were something truly scary, they’ll haul me in and put me under a microscope. Since they haven’t done that, I’m in the clear for now. In the meantime, I’ll accumulate holiday time at my new place (as well as private health insurance at the end of my probation period) and I’ll deal with the matter when it arises. No point in worrying about something scary that might never happen, eh?
I suppose if I’m going to make a New Year’s Resolution, I’d better do it quickly. Does it count if you decide to do it at the end of January? I think instead of saying that I’ll do something that I know I’ll probably not carry out, I’ll try not to sweat the small stuff. I’ll try not to get too excitable at work and enjoy life one day at a time. Counting your blessings usually helps!