I happened to see an advertisement for an article: 10 years after The Spice Girls we discuss what women really really want.
Is it career? Marriage? Friends? Family? Love? Money? Sex?
Do men really have such a problem working out what we want?
Surely what men want differs from man to man, and from time to time. Of course there aren’t articles about what men want – and I’m presuming that men want a relationship – unless you take the time to read the odd men’s magazine.
There are a number of websites about catching and keeping a man and keeping him happy and preventing any “wandering eyes” but I would have had to log-in and give my details… I didn’t fancy that.
Titillation seems to be a good method of attracting a man. Or at least that seems to be the case if you look at any men’s magazine filled with scantily clad well-endowed women. But is titillation really what a man wants from a relationship?
Finally I found an article that initially I thought was going to be totally wrong – anyone who quotes Freud I tend to give a wide berth – but the article by Micah Stipech, College, Sex and Love: What Men Want was stunning and insightful. My only comment was that perhaps his diagram shouldn’t be a pyramid but a Venn diagram – since he admits that there is a lot of overlap between the motives of men in each category. I think that even he would admit that some men are happy to live in the lower sections of his pyramid and not question the need for growing into a meaningful relationship.
And, it might be worth questioning if Stipech’s pyramid corresponds with women’s desires from a relationship. Perhaps some women are “bad” and behave as if they’re in a Bond film and smoking and drinking and living life as if they’re in Sex in the City. Or some women need security and a man who behaves like a superman and who is a little possessive because it makes them feel safe and loved. Finally, some women want a meaningful relationship with someone who they are in love with and a future together. Do women move through the levels of the pyramid because they are trying to attract a man or do women simply attract the corresponding men within their section of the pyramid without knowing how to attract a “better” man?
So my question is this: how do women recognise the men who correspond with their point in the pyramid? Or perhaps a better question is: how to women recognise the men that they would prefer to be with in the pyramid?
I suspect that, once women know the different categories of Man, it will help us all recognise what we want from a relationship. Of course once we get a man, we have to know what he’s talking about in order to have a meaningful relationship.
I had read a lot about how men communicate but beyond how they communicate, I never contemplated what men actually want. I presumed that they, like me, would try to talk to me about what they needed and wanted from a relationship. The biggest difference to how men and women communicate is, in my experience: men generally are problem-solvers and they see communicating as a means to an end instead of seeing communication as an end unto itself. For example, if I moan to a female friend about the state of the world she listens and sympathises. If I moan to a man about the state of the world he will wonder what I mean for him to do about it. This simple misunderstanding leaves men thinking that women nag and leaves women thinking that men don’t listen.
I started this article by asking men why they have such problems working out what women want.
Why don’t they just ask? I suspect that most of us want a meaningful relationship but aren’t always sure how to get that. My last piece of advice is this: be the woman that a man wants a meaningful relationship with and you will find the right man.