I’ve been taking Prozac since December. I think I needed it for some time (even before my divorce!) but kept resisting because of the stigma attached…
Well, it helps but since I’ve been having problems at work nothing has helped. I had two days off last week (just before the long Easter weekend which is a national holiday in England) because I had diarrhoea and was vomiting last week. I dragged myself into the doctor’s office and she diagnosed a virus and told me to go home and get some rest.
I told my boss about what the doctor said and she said that she had the right, especially in the current economic climate, to rely on her staff and that my probation period should end. I have begged for a second chance and am due to speak to her again on Tuesday. I really don’t want to talk to her at all for a number of reasons. Just thinking about it sends my stomach going base over apex!
Now, I’ve not told you the whole truth about this job of mine. The fact of the matter is that after a number of loud verbal dressing-downs for what I would consider a minor infraction (such as not completing my email filing or not doing something quickly enough or once I was shouted at because someone else had renamed a file and no one admitted to it – so she shot the messenger) I’ve suffered from nerves. Bearing in mind that I started the job in February, either I’m not doing well or she has a terrible temper. The sad fact is that I’m not the only one that she shouts at regularly so I thought she just had a temper. If I had been a bit more my old confident self, it wouldn’t bother me as much as it does. As we all know, suffering from nerves is not a good thing if you’re sat next to a bully. I can’t get away from her.
Needless to say, I’ve lost weight; I’m not sleeping; I’m near tears an awful lot, I’m constantly thinking about work and I’ve started looking for another job.
That wouldn’t be the worst thing but when I was looking I found my job advertised. Now, I know it might sound a bit rich coming from a woman who is looking for another job but I was terribly shocked to see the ad for my own job when my boss agreed to hear me out. Helios sensibly said that she’s probably just testing the market and that I shouldn’t read anything into it.
I need to try and get some rest this long weekend and prepare for a two-pronged front. On the one side I need to prepare and try to convince this witch that I am the one she wants while looking for another job and try to conceal any interviews I may have… Not going to be easy. Wish me luck! I need it.