Sgt. Pepper

It was 20 years ago…

 

Mom kindly made me feel absolutely ancient the other day when she sent me an email reminder for my 20th Class Reunion.

 

I don’t know what’s worse: knowing that I’m 20 years older and the best years of my health are behind me or realising just how much potential I used to have and how I’ve squandered it over the years…

 

But let’s not focus on the negative.  I also have been wondering about the people I used to know back then – boyfriend, friends and family.  I think about what I used to do and what I used to want from life: priorities and goals.  I sometimes wonder if anyone from my class would be interested to hear from me (Am I conceited in thinking this?)  There are only a select few that I really want to know about.

 

Love

Back then I was madly in love with my first fiancée.  His saving grace was that he was good in bed.  Perhaps that’s why I stayed with him for as long as I did?  I adored him and let him run my life.  In the end I left him before we got married, not because I’d met someone else but because he wanted me to be just like him.  In the end I hated that.  Of course now it seems so long ago that I wonder if it all happened to someone else – or maybe I read it in a book?  No it was me.  I know I learned a lot from the relationship so I can’t complain how things turned out.  It was hard at the time – but then what isn’t hard?

 

Potential

20 years ago I was finishing off high school and looking forward to a successful college career.  I wanted to become a teacher and I was focused on that.  I even volunteered at a local school in my spare time. 

 

Now I feel as though all my potential is gone.  I am unable to have a fruitful career due to my continuing health issues, I can’t change career because it’s too expensive – I won’t be able to afford my mortgage.  I couldn’t have children (financially as well as physically) even if I wanted them.  All my original plans have been torn apart and thrown in the bin.  For a number of years I regretted not becoming a teacher but these days I find I don’t have the patience or energy that I used to.  I don’t think I could cope with it now.  I expect it would be too difficult for me – considering how tired I am all the time. 

 

So, ultimately I’m happy with the way things have turned out.  I’m in a great relationship in a lovely flat in a great location.  I feel lucky.  I take great delight in counting my blessings.  I suppose that’s the bit of my personality that hasn’t changed over the past 20 years – I enjoy looking on the bright side of life.

 

Foxy

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4 thoughts on “Sgt. Pepper

  1. Gotta look towards the bright side, or, we’d drive ourselves insane.

    I like reunions because I’m terribly nosey about what everyone is up to. Haha!

  2. Allison, many thanks for your comment! You’re right about looking on the bright side. It reminds me of the end of Life of Brian… “Always look on the bright side of life…”

    I hadn’t thought of reunions like that. Maybe I’ll look up more than just a few friends and see what life has done to everyone… Watch this space.

    Foxy

  3. In a way, it’s universal to look back with regrets for the dreams we had in our youth. Very few people realize their first dreams. Some would say those that do aren’t well rounded enough to be happy going forward. They have tunnel vision.

    Life and circumstances change everything. We grow in different ways and directions. You made adjustments for where you were at each juncture. Don’t regret choices you made to be happy at those “nows”. You are happy where you are and you should relish that. Count your blessings. That’s what saves me. Life is short as you are now understanding. Enjoy it.

  4. Linda, you’re not wrong. I do relish it now. I am grateful for all my blessings.

    I hope you are keeping well.
    Foxy

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