Helios has promised me curry tonight and tomorrow (for leftovers) which is great as far as I’m concerned. I still need to sort out the fridge/freezer – the freezer bit still works but the fridge just doesn’t get cold anymore. I’ve already had someone in who claimed that the cold air from the freezer is circulated around the fridge and the fan is now frosted over – so it’s no wonder that the fridge is warm. I don’t ever remember my American fridges having this problem! Luckily Helios insisted on bringing his beer fridge when he moved with me and I’m so grateful for it now – as it’s keeping the cheese, milk and other essentials cold.
In the meantime I’ve had to finish off everything in the freezer – which hasn’t been as difficult as I thought it would be! I think I’ve saved some money bearing in mind that I usually spend so much effort making a fresh meal that I regularly forget to check the freezer. Luckily everything was still “within date”. Of course when this is all over I’ll want to refill the freezer again which will no doubt cost an arm and a leg. Luckily the repairman can come on Tuesday morning so it won’t interfere with my new job. Hopefully this is the last major appliance to go wrong for a while. I’ve already had to replace the washer/dryer (all in one machine), and replace the timer on the central heating which required the electrician and get the plumber to get the place warm again.
I’ve also been very tired today. I decided yesterday to go ahead and have my period now just before I start work at my new job – that way I’ll have a clear 9 weeks without a period to worry about. Otherwise I’d have started my job and my period just a couple of weeks after… Not good considering I’m dealing with the “unknown” of how bad the periods are likely to be from now on.
I’m also back to taking the Mefenamic Acid this week and hoping that my exhaustion is simply because my body isn’t accustomed to this routine yet – and I know it won’t be until I stick with it properly but hey, I want to make a good impression at work and I’m hoping that my periods will get easier and easier as the months go by now. I must admit that there is a part of me that is relieved to have my period now – I’ve been so aroused over the past couple of weeks that I could do with a break, and although he’s not said it, I expect Helios would be delighted with a short break too. My arousal is distracting and regular and total… I only feel better after I’ve attacked Helios of an evening (it’s great for getting me off to sleep actually….) but I am aroused again in the morning! Now, I’m usually easily excited but this is getting a little ridiculous!
I even apologised for jumping on Helios so frequently recently last night and he asked me why I apologised. I find I apologise a lot. I mean it but I don’t always realise that I’m doing it. Take the incident for example, I meant it because I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable when we’re together. He’s always good at reassuring me and said that he likes being chased around the bedroom – it makes him feel s3xy. He said that me being excited makes him excited too. In other words, I turn him on. Me. It’s not really begun to sink in that I can turn on a man by just being me. I still make an effort and I suppose that’s the important thing. These days I’m not so worried about being turned down. If we don’t feel like it one night, we can always get together another night. The worst thing is to pressure someone into intimacy. It only leads to grudges and bad feeling.
At the moment when I’m not “excited”, I’m too hot to sleep or just laying there in bed of an evening thinking about work (or the lack of it until just recently) and the mortgage and what I should do with my old diamond ring that was leftover from my relationship with Ramman. Do I sell it now or wait until the market has picked up? Or do I just hang onto it and give it to my sister by my Will after I’m gone? I’m tempted to sell it to be honest. Trouble is when do I sell it and what do I do with the money? I really don’t want to sell it only to spend the money on the mortgage (and now that I have a job I won’t necessarily have to) but it seems silly to keep it in the cupboard when I don’t really want it anymore. I would sell it and just put the money by for a rainy day but the interest rates aren’t very good at the moment. Maybe I’ll just hang onto it for a bit longer and hope that its value won’t go down!
When I was a kid I thought that someone who was 30 was automatically an adult. I thought that by the time you got to be that old that you’d know what to expect from life and be able to handle it. The strange thing is that now I’m well past 30 I still see myself as “young”. I think it’s because I missed out on that “Life Guidebook” I was somehow expecting in my mid to late 20s. Being honest with yourself isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially if you’re busy trying to live up to others’ expectations. Was my first marriage something I did because I was desperate to get away from the US and was afraid of being “left on the shelf” or did I really love him? I don’t suppose it really matters now but that doesn’t stop me wondering. Had I managed to be more honest with myself I probably would have ended up with an American bloke and never met Helios. I can’t imagine life without him now.
I think I’m losing my hair again. I’ve cleaned out the brush several times recently and I’m trying to decide if it’s a problem. It could be that without the HRT I’m getting my PCOS symptoms again (which include vaginal discomfort and hair in places a lady doesn’t want hair and possible hair loss). My skin is really dry at the moment too. I must double-check that my new permanent job offers (or is soon planning to offer) private health care. Don’t get me wrong, I could easily rely on the National Health Service but there are times when it takes so long to get an appointment and then another wait for treatment that I’ve been spoiled with private health care being one of the perks of a job.
As I’d hoped, temping has been good for getting my confidence back. Of course it helps that there aren’t too many wild expectations of someone who is only covering for a week but I can arrive on time, hold the fort, keep everyone well watered and fed and keep the meeting rooms clean and tidy. AND, if I hadn’t liked the place, I could have easily just sat out the week and kept my head down. As it is, I like the place and the people but am grateful I don’t work here full time due to the strange hours, the time it takes to get home of an evening and all those biscuits in the kitchen. I’m usually good at not giving into temptation but today I’ve had 5 crisps (or potato chips if you’re American and reading this) and three biscuits. I’m not getting the heart palipatations yet but feel a strange floating. I wonder if that’s because of the sugar, the period starting or the fact that I perhaps slept too well last night. I think I finally managed to drift off before 10 and was awake just before 8.
My ex husband, Ramman, used to say that he wanted to write a “Guide to Toilets” across the world. Have you ever noticed that sometimes you look at the soap dispenser and think, “How do I get soap out of that? Is it a squeeze? Is it a pull? Is it a push? What?” Then there’s the flushing issue. When I was growing up I only recall seeing toilets that had a little handle on the front that you would push down the narrow end. Simple. Nowadays there are toilets with buttons – TWO – one for a “light flush” and one for number 2s. I’ve also seen some very old toilets where the water tank is up by the ceiling and to flush you grab hold of the handle on the end of a chain and pull. I have even encountered a sink that didn’t seem to want to turn the water on. Oh, sure I could see how the thing moved to make the water either cold or hot but couldn’t work out how to turn the thing on! Normally I’m reasonably mechanically minded. Give me any photocopier and I can unjam it. I can fix fax machines. I had to ask how this sink worked! I really didn’t think that I was a total dork but, in this instance, the score was Sink 1 – American – 0!
In some public toilets in England you’ll see these “all in one” metallic machines where you put your hands in and the water, soap and then air come down automatically. Some of these are activated by buttons on the front. An Englishwoman asked me once why there were never any public toilets in America – I said that we all just popped into a fast food place if we were really desperate. She was confused because she thought that this immediately obligated her to buy something. No, I said. I thought that this was odd until I went into a pub to use the facilities and the barman shouted out after me as I was leaving – “What? You’re not going to buy anything?” I turned around and replied “No” and never set foot in there again! How embarassing!!
Mom has been saying that I should do a separate blog about my experiences in England as an American but I haven’t really contemplated it. I think that my identity is as much about what obstacles I come up against (i.e. my chronic physical conditions) as well as the things that I enjoy (i.e. living and laughing at the vast differences in culture between us). Possibly “Foxy in the Waiting Room” isn’t a good title for the blog? Or am I being lazy by wanting to express myself in only one location?