I demanded s3x from Helios last night because (I told him) it makes me lucky – in more ways than one, heh heh heh.  Well, it worked!  I’ve have a verbal offer of employment from a local company and what a relief!  I feel like I’m hovering 2 feet above the ground.  I can’t stop smiling.  You know, I might not be so useless after all! 


Today’s horoscope for me is:  You will sail through the day on the most gentle of breezes. It’s as if you’ve just come back from a week in the country. You are calm and relaxed, and no amount of trouble at work can shake this feeling. You see things in a more positive light, and problems that once seemed insurmountable now resolve themselves almost without your help!


I don’t normally look at horoscopes but when they’re appropriate it’s nice to see when they apply to me.  When they’re not so positive, I don’t pay attention to them.  LOL.


I had a nightmare early this morning – Helios woke up early – about 5:30. I was already awake but drifted off again without too much hassle.  I’m still not sleeping too well.  I then had a nightmare where I got to the second interview and the owner of the company told me that the role was between a number of candidates still and that the successful candidate would be announced at the end of the lunch.  Well, I agreed to this but was keen to make sure that I got back to my contract position – let’s face it, I have bills to pay now and need to try and keep my head above water financially until I get a permanent job.  The lunch was full of people I used to work with years ago and I was given many many sweet courses (which of course I’m not supposed to eat but I did because I didn’t want to have to go through the effort of explaining my diet and implying that they’d not thought enough about healthy options). The lunch dragged on and on, each course was in a different room of some historic building and finally I said that I have to go because I’ll be late for work and then the question was “Well, if you have work why are you looking for this job??” I woke up in a foul mood. I really ought to know better than to fall back asleep because it just makes me feel like I’ve not slept at all and the dreams I have are wild and vivid and colourful and BONKERS.  Luckily, I’m better at interpreting these than I used to be.  Clearly I wanted the job and I wanted to stop feeling useless…


I decided to mention the nightmare at the interview – I kept it much shorter by saying I’d dreamt that I’d arrived and was met by the owner who told me to go away.  She liked this and said that it was a “good nightmare” – so I was under the distinct impression that she wanted to hire me at that point.


In the meantime I’ve cancelled tomorrow’s interview.  It was a job that I was quite keen on but they took so long coming back to me with a date just for interview that other jobs started to look more promising and interesting.  Also, I don’t want to interview for a role once I have a job offer – now that I finally have an offer I want to concentrate on starting that position rather than take another interview and maybe not get the job at the other company.



The company is located in my home town and is only a 10 minute walk down hill in the mornings – I’ll say about 15 minutes back up the hill of an evening.  It’s great because Helios walks the same way to work and I can finally start getting in shape alongside him.   It’s in a Tudor building (lots of oak beams and floors) with a Georgian facade (large windows, symmetric architecture and the exterior is painted the colour of a wedding cake).  They’re still in the process of finishing off redecorating the interior and that means all new furniture, desks, computers, painting, kitchen, carpets, etc etc.  It reminds me a little of the house I used to share with my Ramman (especially as it’s spread over 3 floors!) but in business terms means that they have enough money to invest in the business even now, which can only be a good thing.


I’m not expected to use my French – and that’s oddly fine with me. I am not confident enough to translate anything anymore but it will be nice to get involved in that industry.  I ought to regularly be learning things about a variety of companies in this sort of work and that really appeals.  I’ll be working mainly for one person but also reporting in to the owner of the company.  She seems very forthright.  I took a computer (Excel) test this morning and got 80%.  She immediately asked what questions I’d gotten wrong and when I told her she said “Oh that’s OK, the software doesn’t seem flexible enough to take the answer that you’re most likely to use.” – which made me laugh.  She talks a mile a minute!  I got to sit in on their morning meeting this morning before I left to come to work at my temp job.  All in all, I’m excited and happy that the business is being run with a close eye on what’s happening – considering they have a meeting every morning for 5 – 10 minutes to discuss priorities of the day!  I was impressed with the amount of work they currently have on the go as well.


The company basically doesn’t DO the translation in house – we have a number of sub-contractors that we regularly use.  We do provide a number of “checks” to quality assure the work has been done to a certain standard.  We also do authoring, translation and illustration work.  (Please note the use of the word “we” like I’m mentally working there already!)  The company employs about 10 – 12 people (mostly women).  They regularly have foreign students come to do a work placement (so I’ll have someone to delegate some tasks to) and everyone there seems very friendly.  Of course it being a smaller company, I’ll closely examine the benefits.  Also, because the company is still so small, I’ll be able to take the role and make it what I want – whether that means account management or sticking with a more assistant type role moving to Office Management. I’m really excited!


I’ll start next Wednesday – which is good as it gives me a chance to finish off my temp contract (ending Friday) and then a nice long weekend before I start something new.  The owner knows that it’s going to be a steep learning curve and thought that the first week might be best as only 3 days – to try to ease me in gently.  The salary is the same as when I was a legal secretary which is a pay drop but it’s due to be reviewed after just a few months.  I’m due to receive the contract before the weekend so I’ll have something to review.


So, things to do before starting a new job: get some more tights/pantyhose.  I’d like to look out some “office” tops as well – I’ve been looking on ebay recently and expect I’ll have more success there than in the shops at the moment.  I don’t know what it is but I really don’t like anything that’s fashionable for the office at the moment.  I usually go to Next (which usually has a good petite selection) but haven’t seen anything either on line or in the shops that I think will be appropriate.  What I really want is some more plain V neck sweaters with 3/4 length sleeves because they tend to go with everything and I can dress them up or down.  I can usually get things I like on ebay for a fraction of what they would cost in the shops – and I can go for a “nicer”, better tailored brand on ebay.


I’d also like to get some perfume.  Now I’m not like my husband who has a scent for every occasion.  I tend to buy one bottle and wear it until I get tired of it (which usually takes me through 80 – 90% of the bottle).  I was going to wait until my birthday (and still might ask for perfume for my birthday, Helios please note if you’re reading this) but am now thinking I may treat myself before then as my birthday is still about 3 months away.  Perhaps if I get a small bottle now, I’ll have used most of it by then?


Luckily I still have some money left over from my last “redundancy” payment.  I’ll probably keep most of that for a rainy day – you never know when those will come along!


In the meantime, what else is happening?  My old friend is hoping to visit in July.  It would be lovely to see her again.  I’ve looked out a few B&Bs locally to give her an idea of where is good and cheap to stay.  I do believe she’ll be more comfortable in a B&B where she can get away from us for a little while.  It’s a shame but my flat is really far too small to contemplate having anyone come to visit.  Well, I’ll give her some options – some B&Bs are as low as £35 a night (for a single) which is really good.  Some prices are as high as £60 per night for a single which is just highway robbery!  At least Dick Turpin wore a mask!  I have also been telling Helios about her and all about what we were like as kids – with the bad 80s perms, surf shirts and parachute pants – a strange combination considering that I grew up about 1000 miles from the nearest ocean!  At that age everything seemed to be so much more urgent.  Was it my hormones?  Or peer pressure?  I think I fell in with the crowd more when I was in my early teens than my late teens.  By the time I was 16 – 18 I was wearing clothes and shoes that I liked – I had a slightly preppy/bohemian style that wasn’t too sloppy.  My friend had a proper 80s New Romantic haircut and was miles more artistic and stylish than I ever felt I was.  Helios and I were comparing each other and he sounds like a proper rocker – stone washed jeans, black shirts, belts with studs and that only buckled at the left beltloop falling (looping?) down the right leg.


Physically I’m doing OK.  I am tired and still not sleeping well but I think I can safely say that this is now due to my hormones and/or stress rather than what I’m eating.  I’ve finally come off the neural inhibitor (that I had been taking for my chronic pain) and I think the happy pills have finally kicked in.  I had thought that it would affect me slightly differently – by grinning all the time for example – but it’s more like a cloud has been lifted from my heart.  OK, confidence, a supportive man and a new job has also helped but perhaps I’ve needed this since before my divorce from Ramman?   I’ve had some good weeks/months but this cloud has always come back around my heart.  While I was still married to Ramman I used to cry alone frequently.  How could he possibly know how unhappy I was?  He was never around.  I managed to avoid the happy pills for a number of years – maybe I should have given in sooner?


My other physical issue is I’m waiting for my first period (after running 3 pill packs together) and wondering how awful that’s going to be.  I wonder if by having fewer periods that they’ll be just as bad as having one once a month or will they be worse because I’ve run so many packs together but enduring them fewer times a year.  Perhaps I’ll feel better once my body gets into the rhythm of it?  In the meantime I’ve spent a few weeks now with PMT symptoms, some good (increased libido!) some not so good (grouchy, lazy, bloated, hot and unable to sleep). 


I find the blog good for my relationship with Helios – he sometimes asks questions about what I write.  His most recent one was “When and why did you go to Ramman’s work and fall asleep on the floor?”  The answer to that is sadly simple:  Ramman, at certain points, was working such long hours that I was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to drive home.  He’d leave the house around 7 a.m. and not get home much before midnight.  Well, my life with him wasn’t always that difficult but there was indeed a point where Ramman was doing that 7 days a week so I’d go into his office at the weekends and simply make sure that he got home safely.  While I was there I’d plop myself away from the crowd and play computer games or make teas and coffees and basically stay out of the way.  I found myself remembering that I was also looking at the travel websites thinking that “after all this I deserve a fantastic holiday!” but never got one.  In fact, I now remember Ramman once won a holiday to Spain but we never took it because he was afraid it was going to be “naff” and couldn’t possibly have the time off work anyway.  So I said to him “Why ever bother entering the competition if you had no intention of going on the holiday when you won!!”  What an idiot! 


I trimmed Helios’ moustache last night.  In his previous life, his ex used to insist on him shaving every day.  Obviously I don’t.  I want him to be comfortable and like facial hair.  It’s great for a number of reasons – one very much applies to the bedroom, but the another is that it makes his face look softer.  Actually, I’m trying to think if “Soft” is the right word and I think it is.  For example, I have a photo of him from when we first went to Paris and he looks very snuggly in his hat, scarf and coat.  OK, he also resembles a rugged Arctic Explorer but when I look at him I just think about cuddling into him.  In fact, Helios has a lot of body hair too.  This is great for keeping me and him warm on a cold winter’s night.  In the summer Helios asks my help to keep his chest hair trimmed.  All that hair reminds me slightly of what a comic called Bill Bailey said.  He said that he’d always wanted a tattoo of a panther on his chest but that he was discouraged from getting this due to the amount of chest hair.  He was told that it would look like “a panther in a thicket!”  Helios has that much hair, if not more.  The funny thing about it though is that he’s going grey right in the middle – so he looks like he’s got a fur-bullseye on his chest.  I like it.  I know that probably sounds really odd but I do like it.  I like touching it of an evening – either with my fingers or my nose!  I’ve liked hairy men since this half-Italian I dated when I was 17.  Why would a woman want a man who is perfectly waxed/shaved?  I want a man, not a boy!  Give me fur!


At my temp job I’ve run into a number of foreigners again.  I don’t know why I’ve always felt comfortable in the company of foreigners (or even people from the US with an accent different to mine) but I love learning things about the world, different cultures.  I don’t judge if things are better here or there – things are just different where ever you go and I tend to go with the flow of what works.  Does this part of my personality stem from my parents’ divorce?  You know, neither side being right or wrong, just different and that’s why they divorced in the first place?  Or is it something else more easy-going?  It’s so important to not judge people if you’re going to consider yourself a citizen of the world.  Now that I have dual nationality, I think I’m more open to the idea of world citizens rather than isolationism. 


The other thing that occurs to me about my new job is that it’s very feminine – I think left brain deals with languages – and at the moment I’m temping in a computer software company – a very male office full of geeks.  Now, I think that being a geek is actually a good thing.  I’ve always been attracted to an intelligent man so this place is full of men who could be described as just my type.  You know the funny thing?   I haven’t thought about looking at the men in the office until just now.  I’ve not seen one as attractive as Helios – and I’m not just saying that because I know he reads my blog.  I think in the past I might have been remotely interested in some of them (get to know them first before I jump on them!) but none of them are turning my head.  I must be in love, eh?


I used to think that I was waiting for my life to start – enduring an unhappy marriage, enduring (what frequently feels like) constant physical symptoms – waiting for some relief.  It’s taken a couple of  years and a few home truths (like I now know not to put so much pressure on myself to succeed but instead concentrate on being happy), before I’ve finally got some of the mental relief that I’ve needed.  Now, if only the new job is as good as I hope it is, I should be set!