Thanks to PCOS I am plagued by strange dreams. The fact that I remember them means that I’m not sleeping deeply enough and it’s little wonder that I’m constantly exhausted!
I found myself waiting and waiting in a queue for what turned out to be a unisex toilet. There were different cubicles for men and women in the same room – some had urinals which, obviously, I couldn’t use. Each cubicle was different colours. There was no real queue, I just had to try and find one that wasn’t occupied. It was slightly chaotic.
In the same night I dreamt I was at work in a queue for the photocopier and people kept cutting in front of me and then when I managed to get to the head of the queue, I forgot to copy the back of my sheets so I had to get in the back of the queue again. Just then one of the scarier women in my office got behind me in the queue and gave me one of her cold scary looks, like she was disgusted that I was spending so much time in the queue. I was stricken with my usual panic. I hate letting people down. I hate feeling like I’ve made a mistake. I hate being unable to stay calm in those situations – I usually panic and rake myself over hot coals and make more mistakes in my panic.
I dreamt I was flying again. I was in a queue at the airport to California. I had left my passport at home. Helios was with me and (for reasons I’m unable to fathom now) I was allowed on the plane with only photocopies of all my documentation and entrance to the United States. Of course, once we’d got there I was then in the predicament of worrying about how I’d get back to my adopted home – England. I was terrified and kept telling everyone that I was almost British – the Home Office currently has all my paperwork – and I mean all my paperwork! (All passports, driving licence, divorce papers and marriage certificate to Helios! They’ve got everything I am at the moment. You have no idea how frightened I get when I think that they might lose something! Getting back to the dream, the worst thought was Helios leaving me in the US on my own. I was in a distinct panic when I woke up.
Then the following night I dreamt that I was deep sea diving and I found two very large fish with big scary teeth and a pole on their heads with a light on the top. The next thing I know I’m back with some friends on land and we’re talking about this and that when I see those two very same fish again in a wheelbarrow (I told you they were big!) being taken into McDonalds – presumably for turning into filet-o-fish sandwiches. I even recognised their antenna!
I’ve also recently dreamt that I was living in a one-room flat (Americans call it “an efficiency” and the English translation is a “maisonette”) with three friends and the living/sleeping area is separated by clothes rails. Upon waking, I cannot tell you exactly where all of us slept or lived in that flat but it didn’t seem too cluttered when I was there.
I also dreamt that I was at a university visiting when I saw some old high school friends and they were talking about all the classes they were taking – for their Master’s degrees. I was disgusted and green with envy because I knew that they hadn’t been smart enough to go to university in the first place.
Where do these mad thoughts come from? I made one of my doctors laugh when I mentioned that I might go ahead and start a book of short stories. I believe that when life gives you lemons, you have to at least try to make lemonade.