Recovery 2

After a little time at home I feel a bit better.  I’m still a little sore but the worst bit is that I have gone a bit depressed.  I went back to work yesterday.  I got there and sat down at my desk and cried.  I couldn’t stop crying so the HR woman took me home again immediately.  I then went back to my GP later on.  I hate to admit this, but I’ve been signed off sick and I won’t be back to work before 5th January!

 

Physically I’m still tired and am suffering from internal bruising.  I feel sore but can sleep almost comfortably – I’m dreaming wildly and having a hard time drifting off probably because I keep thinking about work.  I cannot wear a pair of jeans: jeans push too hard on my bellybutton when I sit down. 

 

I’ve not had sex since the operation and I’ve not missed it – which is unusual for me.  I like to be physical on average once or twice a week.  I’m just too uncomfortable to even contemplate it.  I keep getting sharp pains in my cervix.  I am constantly exhausted.

 

So I’m sitting here until after Christmas.  I feel a failure.  Now I know there’s no need to feel a failure but it doesn’t stop me doing it.  You know how much I like raking myself over the coals.  The good news is that I only seem to cry when I think about work so to me that means I need a new job.

 

It’s a real shame because I like the company, the location couldn’t be more convenient, the money is good, the hours are fine but the pressure and stress is very difficult.  I find the work too difficult.  I cannot seem to concentrate.  I’m intelligent enough, but find concentration so difficult that I make silly mistakes or I forget to do things.  I frequently feel almost drunk with the inability to hold my head on.  I blame the Endometriosis.  I wasn’t like this in my 20s.

 

Beyond that I’m trying to keep busy.  I’m also watching a small backlog of movies that I’ve been meaning to see.  Shame I’m not sleeping…  I’m also writing my blog, sending off Christmas cards, taking the time that I never seem to have to take care of things like shredding old documents, updating Helios’ ipod, and having a darn good tidy.  Most would say that it is hard to live in such a small flat with anyone but it’s actually very easy – aside from the fact that there is no room to be messy.  We don’t have a dining room.  We eat every night on our laps in front of the TV.  We regularly go through our belongings (twice yearly) in order to make room for new stuff.  Despite the mess, I say that it’s easy to live with Helios.  I wouldn’t want to live with anyone else.

 

Foxy

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3 thoughts on “Recovery 2

  1. I’m sorry you are off of work for the time you are, but at the same time I’m relieved, it sounds like maybe you physically (and mentally – for the emotions tied to work) need some more time to recover.
    I hope you feel like having sex again soon, since it sounds like you enjoy it on a regular basis. I hope the sharp pains in your cervix go away soon, I know how those are. ((hugs))
    I understand feeling like a failure… and I’m sorry you are stuck out of work until after Christmas. It’s starting to sound like I’m going to have to do disability or find a new job (HA!! Good luck with that living in such a small town) in order to start making money again… Sh!tMart isn’t letting me go back yet (That rant will be in my blog soon…) … if they let me back at all.
    I’m glad you are getting the time to do things you hadn’t taken care of, and I like reading the blog updates 🙂 … Eventually I’ll get to send off my Christmas cards – but it’ll probably be January… good thing I’m warning people who should be expecting some… (speaking of – would you like a January Christmas card?)
    We don’t have a dining room table either, of course… we don’t have a lot of furniture…. that will eventually be remedied, I’m sure.
    I’m glad you live with Helios, and have such a friendship 🙂
    J

  2. J

    I’m normally very organised so it’s really a matter of getting the energy of going down to town to the post office and sending everything off.

    I have a minimum amount I really need to earn all year so I’m looking through the jobs pages on the internet. Wish me luck. I don’t know if I’d be entitled to any benefits but I expect I’ll have to look into it.

    I expect the cervix pains are just from the D&C. It’s just a little annoying because they’re sharp pains…

    I don’t need a January Christmas card, thanks. Just keep on commenting on my blog!

    I hope you get some furniture for Christmas!
    Foxy

  3. Ahhh… well good luck with the energy…. I think I mentioned this to you at one point… but B vits… especially B12 are helpful for that… my endo specialist has me doing B12 shots…. speaking of which I need needles again 😦 (I HATE shots… luckily E is willing to do them for me…. and I can just look away and ignore those usually since they are in my inner thigh muscle)…
    For me – if I can just get a job (or disability) in the amount of rent each month we’ll be good… we’ve already talked about that…. and it could be interesting making that much since it’s around the max of disability, and since I am only wanting to work parttime (depending on the job) when I go back to work.
    I’d guess you are right from what I’ve heard about D&C’s… though I’ve never had one.
    Ok lol. And trust me, I don’t plan on going anywhere any time soon… so you’re stuck with me commenting on your blog 😛
    I hope we do too… I know my inlaws are going to get us stuff for our house, but there was talk of kitchen and bathroom stuff…
    My parents paid a huge chunk of what I need to pay for my upcoming appt with the rheumatologist… they asked what we wanted for christmas and I told them just to help us pay for that, so I can start getting my health back… Mom checked with me 3 times before sending it off lol.
    J

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