One of the stranger symptoms of PCOS is vivid dreams. Strangely I consider this a positive even though it also means that I suffer exhaustion often. I’ve had strange dreams for as long as I can remember so perhaps my PCOS symptoms affected me even when I was young?
I like remembering my dreams because I feel that dreams are a metaphor for life. OK, they’re extremely strange, but I think that metaphors shouldn’t always immediately make sense. For instance, once many moons ago, when I was still married to the first of my husbands, Ramman, I dreamt I was trapped in an airport where people were periodically rounded up and shot. Me being me, I tried to escape through a tour bus through a door labelled “Chaos”. It took me through the Land of Chaos which resembled medieval peasant life – poor, hungry and muddy. I stayed on the tour train and arrived back at the airport. I then organised a rebellion. I was upset to leave one nice lady behind in the bank. She was physically attached to her till. She had no legs but instead had a 50s style chrome bar stool where her lower body should have been and was hard wired into the systems. She was sad that I was leaving but wished me luck. I then gathered as many people together as I could and we all stormed the entrance.
I still have strange nightmares about when I was married to Ramman. Once, I was trying to park his Mercedes SLK while he was overlooking and – after many attempts – I gave up, got out of the car, and walked away.
There was another one where I was trapped in a Manchester United lorry/bus type thing at an away Manchester United game with Ramman when I heard Helios’ whistle (He always whistles the same “Sooty” whistle to birds. I like to think that he’s trying to communicate.) I can’t see him because it’s dark so I run from window to window in the excitement when I think “Hey! Let’s just call out to him.” So I wind down the window and shout out “Helios!” Next thing I know Nani runs to my window and not Helios. Nani says to me that Helios was going to be late and please don’t shout out like that because he thought that I had been hurt. Nani walked away from me rolling his eyes. When Helios did arrive he’d somehow changed: he had Ramman’s personality. He told me not to upset the players “For God’s Sake!”. I am still trying to live up to a level of perfection that I know I’ll never manage to achieve. In life, we’re not always told which way is right and I sometimes do things wrongly (I am human, you know.) only to rake myself over hot coals afterwards for doing things wrongly. It’s a character flaw of mine and it’s something that I don’t like about myself. It is something that I was having counselling for during my divorce from Ramman so maybe a dream like this is just another way of reminding myself not to worry so much about being perfect in the eyes of others.
These days I still dream but the subject is more a process – a journey. I’m usually in a car or walking. Last night I was walking through a tunnel trying to get home. I was not wearing a brightly coloured jacket and so I was afraid that the cars would hit me. I stopped off at a shop and bought something. In these dreams I’m usually just going to or from something. I think that this means that I’m just accustomed to life going to and from work. Life is a journey, isn’t it?
Of course I also have very odd dreams that never seem to make sense at all. For instance, once I was a gaucho in South America trying to track down a bass guitar once owned by the chap from Dire Straits. The guitar I was looking for was dark purple with an orchid in each of the twiddly bits that tune the strings. Where did that one come from, eh? I had another one where I was flying and I managed to control my altitude with my breath. Mad isn’t the word – Bonkers is more like it!
Finally, I think the best thing about these mad, crazy, bonkers dreams is that I never know what will happen next. I told my gynaecologist that I wanted to write a book containing some of them but I fear I’ll never find a plot that will easily cope will all my madness… I’ll share them with you instead.